Nearly a year has passed after I came back here and SWORE that I’d be updating often or at least TRYING to and here we are again.
I think I’ve finally accepted the fact that Insane Ramblings is done. I’ve had 7 years (2 of which really didn’t count with my absence) which is pretty darn good seeing as a lot of blogs only last a few months. I’m satisfied.
Truth is, my life is nothing like it was a year ago and DEFINITELY not like it was when I first started this website.
Howard and I are no longer married and I am no longer living in Alaska.
I am also married to someone else.
Let that one sink in for a few minutes.
Truth is, my marriage was the big elephant in the room that I could no longer ignore. The irony of it was I tried to convince myself that it was perfect. Everything else in my life was the culprit to my unhappiness.
What I’ve learned is, when you lie to the world, you can convince yourself of anything. And that’s exactly what I did.
I will not go into the details here except to say that my marriage morphed into something other than husband/wife years ago and I could no longer deny that fact.
Howard and I are good people who deserve happiness and neither of us was really getting that from the marriage. We tried, oh how we tried but one day I just woke up and knew. It’s all I can tell you. When you know, you know. It was painful and traumatic but I got through it stronger and wiser and determined not to make the same mistakes should I go down that road again.
Which I did.
Only three weeks ago.
Again, when you know, you know.
I am now a second time wife and a stepmother to two children. I shuttle kids and cook meals and clean house and dote on my husband. Things I once thought I was too sophisticated for. And I’m HAPPY.
Funny, the things I thought I needed once were just “things” to fill a void. I went from buying anything I wanted to living on a budget. And I do it with a full heart. Crazy. Mainly, I no longer wake up everyday feeling like I’m crazy. Deception is exhausting.
So my loves, the truth is, I’m just too full up on life to continue posting here. I feel like this website represents a person I no longer am and I want to give it the respect it deserves by not trying to expound upon being something I’m not. I will save the entries just like I’ve saved every other journal I’ve kept and maybe in a few years pull them out and have a good laugh. Maybe even a good cry.
I will continue to write, no worries there. It’s my passion and my love and perhaps you’ll see me re-appear in the blogosphere sometime in the future.
Thank you all for your loyalty, for your RSS subscriptions and mainly for keeping me sane on days when I didn’t think I could keep up the facade. For crying with me, laughing at my stories, humoring me when I needed to be.
I’ll end my final posting with a quote from Forrest Carter in The Education of Little Tree….”It’s been good….next time, it’ll be better.” It will be and in fact, already is. Goodnight my darlings.