Nov 27

*taps microphone*

Is this thing on?

*ear piercing interference and then…a pregnant pause*

So hey ya’ll, what’s up?  Been a while, I know.  Obviously.  How have you all been?  What have you all been up to?

Questions in a post, letter, email, etc are kind of useless aren’t they? (oops brainchild, THAT was question too)

How much longer can I avoid the awkward question that has been burning in all of your minds your mind?  Not a second more?  Okay, I give.

Wow.  Over a year has passed since I’ve posted on this website and I feel kind of awkward coming back.  But for some reason on this day, I was led back here.  The iron got hot and I felt the need to strike. 

It’s been quite a year, that’s for sure but there haven’t been any real Earth shattering events for me to report on and I think that’s probably a good thing.  That’s not to say there haven’t been changes though. 

I stand here today still married to Howard and still the arbitrator of 3 furry creatures.  Still childless, working the same job I had last year and I’m still as pleasantly neurotic as I’ve always been.  Does that disappoint you?  Well let me disappoint you again. 

I’m remain unpregnant.

There we go.  Ah, now that the ice is broken, let’s move on shall we? 

A few changes that did happen were probably the ones that involve severed relationships.  That’s right.  I’ve purged my life of relationships that no longer better my life.  Did it hurt and was it hard?  Absolutely.  Do I feel like a weight has been lifted?  A little bit.  Am I all the wiser and more cautious for it?  Damn straight. 

Just when you thought I couldn’t put up anymore walls, there I had to go and do it again.  Those of you REALLY know me know that when I truly shut a door on a relationship?  That it’s over.  I walk away and never look at it again.  I’ve come to the realization that being hurt and being hurtful is of my own doing.  If I choose to hurt someone it’s my fault and if I’m hurt by someone, it’s my fault too.  It’s a delicate balance and one I try to tread lightly.

Mainly though, this past year has opened my eyes.  Moving on.

I’ve also made two trips back to NC in the past year.  My memaw soldiers on in spite of all that she’s had to endure and she continues to inspire me. 

I made a trip to New Orleans and was greatly disappointed.  I was excited to see the city but found that doing it alone isn’t nearly as fun as being with someone you love.  I’m sure New Orleans is a fine and amazing town-but I’ve found that I don’t like solitude near as much as I used to.  Howard has promised me a trip back (I went for job related reasons) and I can’t wait to really experience it. 

He is, until then, tiding me over with a trip to Paris for New Years.

Yes I know.  He’s awesome.  And so knows what I need when I need it.

Oh!  I also completed my preceptorship and I am officially through CHAP training.  So glad that’s over.  Whew!

We’re also returning to NC for Christmas!  We haven’t spent a Christmas with our respective families in almost 8 years.  I can’t tell you how excited I am.  I’m not even stressing on the whole family thing.  I’m going with an open heart and an open mind-cautious armor nonwithstanding of course.  I’m looking forward to seeing the mountains, Buffalo Cove, and being around people who talk like me.  That never ceases to please me.

I have another confession and reason why I haven’t been here.

Facebook.

Yep, THE social network that has dominated every aspect of the internet for the past year.  I’ve gotten in touch with people and friends I haven’t seen or talked to in YEARS.  I’ve even mended friendships that were never really broken but were kind of on hiatus while we grew up, got married, made babies, and built lives. 

I also got crazily addicted to Farmville for a while until I came to my senses and deleted the application altogether.  Sometimes I still wake up and think “I need to check my crops!” before wiping the sweat from my brow and realizing it was just a nightmare.

Here’s the thing with Facebook though.  While I’ve enjoyed the voyeuristic thrill of seeing what all my friends are up to, perusing their pictures and stalking their profiles, I’m kind of freaked out by the lack of privacy.  I mean….standing back and looking from a distance, it’s kind of disenchanting to see that nearly nothing is sacred or private anymore.  We post status updates on EVERYTHING!  “making dinner”, “going shopping”, “overslept and heading to work.”  I thought Twitter was bad.  Twitter has nothing on Facebook.

The biggest consequence that I’ve found is creativity has been suppressed and drained.  There is no mystery on which to expound or wax poetically and I hate that. 

I’ve also see friendships end and feuds begin simply by the “oversharing.”  Proverbial dirty laundry is aired by vulnerable people reaching out and seeking either attention and/or sympathy.  Things said are taken out of context and relationships have been ruined. 

That realization dawned on me today when my friend swore to me they weren’t on FB today while I’d sent them two messages they hadn’t replied to.  I’d seen them on well after I hit the “send” button happily “liking” people’s statuses and commenting on them as well.  And it infuriated me and I told this friend so.

Immediately regretting it.  Afterward I paused and thought:  “You’re getting upset because of a stupid social network on the internet…..think about how irrational this is.”  If I didn’t have Facebook, I wouldn’t know that.  I’d have assumed the person was simply busy or hadn’t checked their email yet.  You know.  Like in the old days.  Most importantly, I would have never known otherwise and really wouldn’t have cared.

And I think that may be one of the reasons I came back to my own personal part of the world.  Here.

Just when I thought a blog was as public as you could get, Facebook came along.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love the app and will continue to use it but I’m going to try to use this more.  I’m going to focus on doing what I love which is writing and expressing myself.  Instead of expecting to be entertained by what others say.

Unless of course you’re a published author and if you are, let’s get reacquainted.  I do so love the written word.  These days, I’m into as much fiction as I can get.

So that’s it, you guys.  That’s the story, that’s where I’ve been.  Let’s the rejuvenation of my creative juices commence.