Last night, my friend Melissa and I chatted online for over an hour.  We reminisced about all the crazy times we spent back in NC and gave updates on our lives.

And of course we laughed a lot.

It’s no secret (duh) that I’ve been scarce lately.  I’m not sure where to begin so I won’t.

I will say that things have been overwhelming me lately.  At times it feels absolutely suffocating.

Yesterday, as I was trying to tell Dusty something, he walked away from me and I had to follow him to finish what I was saying.  I could tell he was completely flustered and just needed to put some distance between us.

Afterwards, I felt awful about that.  Dusty’s a good friend who puts up with a lot from me.  But even he has his limits.

That’s when I began realizing that I miss my friends more than ever.

I try really hard not to be needy and that can sometimes come off as being distant and aloof to some people.

Ironically, after holding everything in and acting like I can do all things on my own without burdening anyone, when I DO ask for help, it comes off as:  Say it with me boys and girls… NEEDY!

It keeps everyone confused which is why it’s no surprise that I have very few close friends.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have a large network of people I genuinely like and vice versa and outwardly, I really do enjoy meeting new people.  In reality, very few of those people see my ugly side.

It’s hard to be friends with me.  It’s incredibly taxing and takes a lot of effort.  I am complicated, quirky, and my moods change with the wind.  It’s nothing that will ever change.  It’s who I am and I have learned to make no apologies.

In any event, after talking with Melissa last night, she reminded me that though I have very few real friends, I am thankful for the ones who have hung in there with me.  Who have stood by me through all the good and the bad.

You all know who you are.  That goes for you too, Melissa.  I can’t thank you enough for that conversation last night.  It came when I desperately (there’s that word again) needed it.

It also made me realize that I need to practice opening my heart a little more.  To accept the gifts that I’m offered.  Maybe it wouldn’t seem so foreign and uncomfortable when I do accept them.

Who knows?  This post is starting to confuse you now too, isn’t it?

Let me just end it by thanking you, my wonderful, beautiful, albeit few friends.  I know I’m no picnic but thank you for making the effort to see past that.

When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I’ll be here forever
Said I’ll always be a friend
Took an oath, I’ma stick it out till the end

Now that it’s raining more than ever
Know that we’ll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella

4 Responses

  1. Dusty Says:


    I was totally kidding when I walked away… I didnt realize that I had hurt your feelings. You have never overwhelmed me, you have never bothered me, we have never had issues (that I can think of) in all of the years we have known each other. I think that is why we dream of fights because they dont ever happen. You are an easy friend, you are a wonderful supporter. You are my best friend. I know that life has been hard but you will get through all of this - I promise. Bottom Line: You are great, wonderful, sweet, caring and the best friend anyone could ask for. Give yourself a little credit, dear. Now lets get out there and enjoy this beautiful day!! PS: I went here thinking I would find some Dustyisms from our Thursday Radio Show. That’s all B! :-)


  2. Chrissy Says:

    Dusty-GREAT! Now it looks like I was fishing for validation-WHICH I WASN’T! (insert sarcasm)

    It didn’t hurt my feelings, love, it was A GOOD EYE OPENER. Like “Stop your whining!”
    I was saying “Who the hell could blame him?”

    In any case, thank you and you have to know I feel the same way about you. You always know how to make me smile and you know I’m grateful for that.

    On other subjects-Dude, I’m SOOO doing a post on your Dusty-isms. You’re adorable and I love you.

  3. Jen Says:

    Chris….. you have successfully placed Madonna’s Open Your Heart as an ear worm in my brain.
    Only my BFF could do that with her writings.

  4. Chrissy Says:


    If you’re referring to the song lyrics, it’s actually from Rihanna’s “Umbrella” which was stuck in my head all weekend long, but NOW I’ll be humming Madonna’s song all day now. Only my BFF could do something like that with her comments. I love you.

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