Returning to the village this morning included lots of hugs and and “welcome back’s”. When I walked in the door of my house, Pepper ran up to me and I scooped him up in my arms and hugged him tight and smothered him with kisses.
Lucky, being deaf, didn’t hear me come in so I walked to where he was lying on the sofa and he looked at me inquisitively, focusing his near blind eyes on my image. He then began to sniff at me as I leaned down and gently lifted him into my arms. His sniffing became more intense and finally his eyes lit up and he welcomed me back home with a huge swipe of his enormous tongue.
Out of habit, I looked around for my Katie girl. By that time, she would have slinked out of one of her hiding places to casually say “hello” to me and give me one of her headbutts.
That’s when I spotted her tiny tin urn on the kitchen counter. And that’s also when I felt the emptiness of not having her in the house.
I’m grateful that Dusty and Kas honored our wishes and took care of getting her cremated so that she can always be with us. The crematory also sent us a beautiful card sending their condolences.
But I can’t cuddle or headbutt a tin full of ashes.
My heart broke all over again, in spite of her being gone for over a month now.
I miss her and wish she were back. Alive and well and not in a tiny tin box. Our Pentagon is gone.
Goodnight, sweet girl.
August 7th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
We never know the cards that life will deal
For friends or love or such
At times it appears a bit unreal
For we never know too much
We theorize and think of what
The future holds in store
Yet so oft all we find is another “but”
And another open door
Never have I found are we
Prepared for the great unknown
It’s as if life says “I give this to thee
But only as a loan”
You came to me when my need was great
Of this much I am sure
In the sickness that was my life back then
Your love became my cure
He found you on a rainy day
So small and I’m sure afraid
Of the big bad world that was all around
In the hell that life had made
My first reaction I can now admit
Was not what you’d expect
I did not want you in my life
I so hope that you respect
My honesty in saying this
For you would not have been my choice
I wanted this and wanted that
Not the sweet sound of your voice
Orange and white with a hint of tan
And I became your greatest fan
Fell in love though I never intended to
Oh my how much I needed you
Fifteen years have passed us by
Never thought to reason why
I was blessed to have you in my life
In happy times and times of strife
You talked to me in your special voice
I suppose there really was no choice
Other than to listen when you purred at me
Or rubbed my leg when you could see
That I needed you to be by my side
Or in my lap for I could not hide
My times of sorrow and times of pain
When tears fell from me like drops of rain
I will miss our talks each morning
When I prepare to greet the sun
The times when you and I would “chat”
I cherish every one
I will miss the butting of our heads
And the stroking of your ears
For now I have to find my way
To face life and all it’s fears
What remains of you with me for now
Is a simple flowered urn
Yet I see you here and hear you speak
Everywhere I turn
You were so petite and brought me joy
Like a Christmas day with some new fancy toy
Now I have but memories
Trying to see the forest through the trees
I miss you Katie from within my soul
And wonder how I ever will feel whole
Yet thank God I remember your daily song
And know that you’re in Heaven where you belong
I believe all dogs do go to Heaven
And that cats as well shall rise
Through the clouds above to that sacred place
Of truths and no more lies
When the day shall come that I too pass
To the world beyond this place
To a world of gold and silver trees
When at last I end this race
I know that you’ll be waiting there
Curled in a ball on some big comfy chair
And a smile will slowly start to form
My body feeling oh so warm
And I will once more reach out and hold my friend
For that day and until time comes to an end