The worst happens (as told by Howard)

I wanted to share with all of you what happened to us on Thursday on yet another kayaking adventure.  Howard emailed the story after drinking lots of beer on Friday to everyone in his address book.  I was on that list and reading it from his perspective is hilarious.  This story is heavily edited for grammar and spelling.  Plus you know, I’m sober and all.

Also, I’d like to state for the record that I wasn’t “in hysterics”.  I just wasn’t sure what to do, except tell him to lose the god damn kayak and paddle and save himself.  Enjoy!

“There is nothing more fun than getting out and floating on the river kayaking…Christina and I have gone out on the Kuskokwim a few times.  The river is not too swift.  But it is cold and large. 


Yesterday, we went down the river.  We had a great time..
I got out of my kayak along the bank…to look for a lost camera from another trip… I did pretty good getting out and getting back into the kayak.
It was a great day.  It was sunny and 70+.


We paddled with no real problems…Until I tried to disembark.  Chris made it to the bank and I was pushing hard to get ashore.  The current was pushing against me.. I had to push deep, and as I did I pulled myself under!
The Kuskokwim is a very cold and unforgiving river…
As I flipped, I cried out”fuck” and went under…


I righted myself and grabbed the back of the boat while hanging on to the paddle.
The water was cold!  I hung on to the boat and the paddle as the current pulled at me.
Chris was by the shore and in hysterics watching me flail in the water…She could do nothing but watch me…


I was about 30 feet from shore holding the kayak and paddle.  the more I pulled to shore, the more the current pulled me out…
I told Chris that she would best help by getting out of her kayak and helping me from shore..
I was drifting out as I saw her dump herself out and claw her way up the bank.  Seriously, she clawed up the bank…


I was in the river holding onto the boat and paddle..as I was kicking to shore, one of my Crocs fell off and floated down stream.  As I was holding on to the kayak and the paddle, I contemplated the  possibility of letting go of the kayak and paddle in order to go for the Croc that was floating away…


Chris was frantic as she said “Let the Croc Go”  She was also yelling to me to let the Kayak and paddle go as well.  


The Croc went floating down stream… I held on to the boat and the paddle…
Every time I pulled with the paddle, the current pulled me out.
I swam my fat ass from the main current to about 20 feet from the shore.  But the current kept pulling me back out.


Chris kept yelling at me to let go of both…

As I was kicking myself toward the bank…I kept being pulled out… At one point, I was able to throw the paddle on shore.  Then i was able to take hold of the back of the kayak and push it forward and on the bank.  At that point I was able to swim ashore…at least to the point of finding bottom and making my way to the bank..
Man that was a trip!!


What did you do after work yesterday?” 

2 Responses

  1. Heather Says:

    Oh my!! I’m glad to hear that you both are ok. Please be careful when ya’ll go out and let someone know where you are going. ( I’m turning into my mom–where are you going?, when are you going to be back?, who is going to be there?)

  2. Amy Says:

    Sounds terrifying. Glad everyone is ok!

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