Jul 20

My cat arrived safely in the arms of her uncle Dusty at around 10:30 last night.

Of course, she pissed on him in the plane, but she was scared!  He swears it was no big deal.

For the rest of her life, we will have to inject her with 150ccs of saline every 4 days to keep her kidneys functioning, and we’re willing to do that.  She’s also on a prescription food diet for the rest of her life as well.  But, the good news is:  she’s, for the most part, back to her old self.  Last night, she hopped from me to Howard in bed and chatted us up, meowing at us, lining up for her nightly treat with the dogs, and holding her own against them.  (though, they were thrilled to see her back too)

I know that some of you are shaking your heads and asking yourselves why would we do this for “just a cat”?  I won’t even dignify that with an answer.  You’d have to be a (loving) pet owner to understand these things.

We will continue to do what we need to do for our animals until it compromises their quality of life.  And if I begin to see that the treatments aren’t doing her any good or are making her suffer, we will end her suffering.  The vet says that if we are willing to put forth a little effort (ie: administering the IV and keeping her on the diet), there’s no reason she can’t live a full and healthy life for several more years.

And I think she’s worth that chance.

Katie in all her feisty glory.

Jul 18

My friend “PeeWee” (it’s not really their nickname, it’s actually the nickname of a person we dislike but we like sarcasm you know?) has a dog named Milton.

Milton sent my Katie a get well card.

PeeWee also had an email waiting for me this morning saying “your baby comes home today!”

Even though, she didn’t get to because the vet wanted to keep her just one more day and a flight isn’t available until tomorrow, it was great to see that in my inbox this morning.

Thank you PeeWee, you (and Milton) rock my socks!

Jul 18

Last night, we took a boat ride down to an island called “Father’s Day” and brought along the dogs and roasted hot dogs and made S’mores.  It was a great way to get our minds off of everything going on this week with Katie.  The dogs swam and chased each other, Mama Jean made homemade potato salad.  We sat in the “midnight” sun and just relaxed.

When we were packing up to leave, I called for Pepper who happily came bounding out of the bushes and down to the beach where we were docked.  I went to leash him up and immediately smelled something suspiciously like poop.  It was then that I noticed, he had it smeared all over the top of his head and down the side of his face.

He’d apparantly found a nice pile to take a little swim in.   I’m still not sure if it was animal or human (people come to Father’s Day Island all the time).

I doused him with the water and found an old scrub brush in the boat and got him topically clean until we could get home.

Last night, I bathed him three damn times until I couldn’t smell the putrid odor anymore and then showered myself.  Not five minutes after it was all said and done, I got a call from the clinic needing my ETT services.  I was on duty until 3AM this morning for a med-evac.

It was a scary situation, very intense, the clinic must been been like 100 degrees, but at the end of the night, when the PA gave me big hug and told me what a great job I did and how big of a help I was, I knew the lack of sleep this morning would be worth it.

Now, if I could just get the smell of poop out of my nose……

Jul 16

The vet called today and said that Katie’s actually doing very well.  She’s made quite a comeback since yesterday.  We spoke to a different doctor than yesterday and he was very optimistic about her recovery.

He also said, the other vet might have been jumping the gun when he said “renal failure”.  He said her kidneys definitely aren’t working right but at this point, it’s too early to tell.  She did have a high level of toxins in her system but he seems to think once they flush her kidneys, she’ll get somewhat better.

She’s eating really well, and he said, she’s a “really good cat”.  “Has cooperated with us, when we stick her with needles, doesn’t cry”.

She is a great little cat.  And a lot tougher than I thought she’d be.  I’m hoping her lethargy and weakness was due largely in part to her dehydration.  We’re thinking she’ll be coming home on Thursday.  Hopefully with her uncle Dusty but if not, the other airline will get her back home too.

Dusty’s also going to go by and visit her tonight so it’ll be interesting to hear how she looks and reacts to him.

Thanks for all of your well wishes and prayers.  I know some people might say “oh it’s just a damn cat”, but thank you all for understanding that she’s way more than that to me.

Jul 16

Last night on the phone Dusty was telling me everything they told him at the vet’s office when he dropped off Katie:

“And so they asked me if I wanted to be a contact while I was in town and I said ‘absolutely, I’m the uncle…this is my niece’…and I know you’d do the same for Bait and Tackle”

Bait and Tackle are Dusty’s dogs.  And I would do exactly the same thing.

He’s even going by the hospital tonight to visit her so she’ll see a familiar face.

Thank you, Uncle Dusty!

Jul 15

The vet finally called.  Apparantly there was an emergency and the vet on duty didn’t get to look at her until this afternoon.

Long story short, our sweet baby girl is in Renal failure.  Her little body is shrinking because of the toxins in her system.  She’s severely dehydrated.

I really thought it was just something simple like an absessed tooth.  I can’t believe I didn’t pick up any signals that she was in pain.

That makes me a bad pet owner.

He said that some cats can live with Renal failure for years.  He said it doesn’t appear to be because she was poisoned and with her being an exclusively indoor cat, it’s also highly unlikely.  He said some cats are pre-disposed to it as a kitten  He’s going to keep her for a couple of days and get her re-hydrated with IV’s and see if they can prevent any further damage.  Renal failure cannot be reversed but it can be held at bay.  We may have to treat her here at home being we live so far out.  We’ll discuss it on Wednesday.

Right now, I hate living this far away from town.  I’m ready to pack up my bags and go save my kitty.  Whatever the prognosis, we want her back.  If she is dying, we want her with us, so she’ll feel somewhat comfortable and we can say goodbye.

Keep your prayers going and keep the good karma coming.

Jul 15

For the past few days, I’ve been noticing that Katie is eating very little, if anything.  She isn’t eating any of her treats, even though she still meows for them when I go to the cabinet to get them.

Yesterday, Howard and I were sitting on the couch and she jumped in his lap and he went to pick her up and kiss her and noticed that he could fit an entire hand around her midsection.

Now Katie is a tiny cat.  She’s always been a wee little thing.  When she hit around 5 pounds she just sort of stopped growing.  This has never affected her healthwise.  In fact, the girl has never been sick since we took her for her first check up right after Howard found her.  And at that time, it was just an upper respiratory infection from living outside as a stray.

She’s also never been a finicky cat.  Girlfriend was starving when we got her so the moment we put dry food in front of her, she devoured it.  In fact, she loves any kind of dry cat food.  She loves the wet stuff but it’s a rare treat for her.

Yesterday, we inspected her and were alarmed when we saw her eyes were dilated and the sun was streaming into the living room.  Also, we noticed that we could see her hip bones through her fur and her spine is visibile as well.  She’s dropped some weight in just a few days.  If she weighs 2 pounds, I’d be surprised.

We called Dusty and asked if he could take her in with him (he’s leaving for Anchorage today) and of course he said he would, but we got our lines crossed, and he thought I was going to call him and confirm and I thought he was going to call me and confirm.  I didn’t get her check in in time for our daily commercial flight. But, this morning he called and said Brian was flying in to town later today and Brian said he would take her in.

Thank God for our friends.  We put her on the plane an hour ago.  She’s so weak, she didn’t even make a fuss.  I gave her some canned food last night and she devoured as much as she could (about half a can of Fancy Feast).  I think there is something going on in her mouth, because she definitely has an appetite.  I just feel horrible that I haven’t given her wet cat food sooner.  I mean, when she eats, she nibbles, it can take up a week for her to finish a bowl of dry food.  And she has been more verbal lately.

She was probably saying: “Mama, I’m STARVING!  I CAN’T CHEW THAT DRY FOOD!  HELP ME!”

So, Howard and I kissed her goodbye before putting her in her carrier and on Brian’s plane and of course, I teared up.

I hope everything is okay.  Dusty will be meeting the plane at the airport and is driving Katie to the animal hospital.  The vet is supposed to call me when she’s looked her over and made a diagnosis.

Keep our little girl in your prayers ya’ll and hopefully she’ll be back to her normal self and back with us in no time.

Jul 14

This is a toast to the year 1996.  When I turned a big corner in my life.  This was my favorite song at the time because it made me think of happy times.

Tonight, Tonight by Smashing Pumpkins

time is never time at all
you can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth
and our lives are forever changed
we will never be the same
the more you change the less you feel
believe, believe in me, believe
that life can change, that you’re not stuck in vain
we’re not the same, we’re different tonight
tonight, so bright
and you know you’re never sure
but you’re sure you could be right
if you held yourself up to the light
and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
the place where you were born
believe, believe in me, believe
in the resolute urgency of now
and if you believe there’s not a tonight
tonight, so bright
we’ll crucify the insincere tonight
we’ll make things right, we’ll feel it all tonight
we’ll find a way to offer up the night tonight
the indescibable moments of your life tonight
the impossible is possible tonight
believe in me as i believe in you, tonight
Jul 13

Yesterday I was at home for a little while, when Howard called me and said there was another incident with PMF at the store.

Howard didn’t engage him and basically ignored his rude comments and even managed to smile and say “you have a good day, now”.

I, on the other hand, have been obsessing about this since he told me about it.

And I’m pissed off that I can’t think of anything else.

Unless you yourself are mentally ill, you don’t know what it’s like to have something stuck in your head that you can’t work out.  OCD is a bitch, let me tell you.

As you may remember, last year, I went back on Prozac and began therapy sessions.  After a few months, I went off the Prozac, and stopped therapy.  It was fine with the doctor because my head didn’t feel like oatmeal anymore.  I often do this.  Take the medication to “get me over the moutain”.  The Prozac was just what I needed to “reset” my brain and get me back to feeling “normal”.  (It’s all relative right?)  I was able to talk out my feelings, and in fact, he taught me to “talk out my thoughts” whenever the OCD took hold of my brain and wouldn’t allow me to let something go.  It seemed a good solution, and excellent alternative to medication.  Because let’s face it: chemicals are chemicals, anything I can do to not have to take meds and still feel okay, is good.

I’ve been trying to do that for a day and half.  It’s wearing poor Howard down and I’m sure by now, he wants to take razor blades to his ear drums.  I went for a walk today,  taking a friend’s advice, to try and get my Endorphines flowing thus helping the thoughts to dissipate.

And yet, here I sit:  Obsessing to you poor readers.

It all comes down to this about the situation:  I wish I weren’t just co-dependant enough to want everyone to like me.  I wish my brain functioned normally.  Sometimes (and oh God, here comes the hate mail), I wish my disease took on a more physical form.  I wish hand-washing, counting, checking locks a hundred times before getting to sleep (which used to be a problem for me) were the only “symptom” I had.  Instead, it mainly manifests in my brain.  Especially if it’s a negative thought.

Tell me I’m beautiful, and five minutes later, I’ve forgotten you’ve said it.  I mean I remember it, yes and it makes me feel great and I appreciate it.  Tell me I’m ugly?  I will think of little else for months.

I used to think it was a “quirk” of my personality.  It was just how I was. “Unable to let things go”.

Then I saw a doctor about it and saw another doctor just in case.  It was OCD.

Back to my point though:  I hate that this person dislikes me so much.  Even though, on the outside, I’m tough as nails.  Don’t take shit off anyone.  The kind of girl you never want to piss off.

On the inside, your utter hatred of me rips me apart.  And I hate it.

I wish it were enough to know that try as I might, I’m never going to make everyone happy.  That sometimes, it’s not always something I’ve done.  Heck, it might not even be “personal”.  Howard is lucky enough to be able to think like that.  You don’t like him?  He isn’t losing sleep over it.  Me?  Not so much.  Oh, you’d never know it.  I’m a southern girl with a lot of pride.  You’ll never see me grovel.  I’m definitely not a “boot-licker”.

But inside I’m all of those things. Add a little bit of “crazy” to the mix?

Well, hand me that bottle of Prozac brother, because it’s gonna be a long couple of months.

Jul 11

The scene:  a bar, Friday night, a couple of years ago.

Miranda: “So, are you looking forward to your trip to Greece?”

An-dre-a: “Um….someday maybe”

Miranda: “Duh, you’re going in like two months aren’t you?”

An-dre-a: “Um, we’re going to Rome in like two months.”

Miranda: “….and um, that’s in Greece!”

An-dre-a: “Um, no it isn’t, Dusty Miranda.”

Miranda: “Yes it is, hey Howard, isn’t Rome in Greece?”

Howard: “No, Rome is in Italy, we’re going there in February”

Miranda: *blushes*

An-dre-a: *gloats and falls off chair nearly pissing pants because she’s laughing so hard*

An-dre-a: “I told you!”

Miranda:  “Shut up, I knew that…er um…I’m just drunk”

An-dre-a:  “Sure thing there Dusty Miranda”

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