And even though I love my “Kitteh” very much, let’s face it, I can do better than that.
Right now, my mind is all jumbled. I have so much say, so much to talk about. But I’m not sure how to put it here.
Some things are going really well in my life right now, some things are on shaky ground, I’m still really angry at that family member. And that family member thinks that calling or emailing me and pretending nothing is going on, will just make everything better and that really annoys me.
And makes me feel like a bad person for feeling like I do.
Even though I probably shouldn’t be so angry, I shouldn’t just settle for “no answers” either.
Howard and I are embarking on a new chapter in our lives. A chapter that will mean a huge commitment from us. That commitment still isn’t something I can talk about right now. I’ll tell you a few things that are definite though:
We’re NOT pregnant or adopting a child. (I feel the need to clarify that since that seems to always be what everyone thinks) We’re not becoming parents to anything besides the four legged children we already have.
We’re NOT moving anywhere anytime in the near future.
We’re NOT getting new jobs.
But it’s still a big deal. It’s a big deal because doing this means a lot of other things changing in our lives. A lot of factors. One thing will certainly affect another.
I can’t talk about it right now. BUT! I will hopefully be able to talk about it soon.
And I know that’s not fair to put that out there but that’s really the big reason why I’ve been so distracted lately. Besides of course all the other things going on, like our upcoming inventory (ARGH! I’ve got my Prozac re-filled), getting our boat in the water and preparing for Mama Jean.
Yep, that’s right, my wonderful mother in law is coming to visit us again and this time she’s staying until August. We can’t wait to see her. She’s my voice of reason a lot of times and that’s always a good thing for me.
Speaking of sanity, family, and voices of reason: Have you ever been friends with someone for a long time and suddenly realize that person isn’t who you thought they were? Or have you ever been in denial over what that person is all about because you wanted to salvage the friendship? Well, that’s kind of what’s been happening to me for a while about this particular friend.
I think I finally tore the wool from my eyes when I received an email from this friend who finally said one offensive things too many.
This friend is a homophobe (who we all know are just uptight closet cases, am I right?), a racist, a know-it-all. And you know what? That’s okay, you’re entitled to your opinion! But when you and I sit down and debate these things, if you make me sit through your dogma, sit through mine, hear me out too. Instead this friend thinks anyone who doesn’t live their lives according to this friend’s particular beliefs….is just plain crazy and more importantly wrong.
Now don’t mistake me: I’m all for tolerance of other people. God knows I have tons of friends who believe different things than I do. Hell, I’m all for diversity, otherwise a person like me just gets bored.
But the moment you begin making judgements against me and making criticisms of my lifestyle is the moment I start building a wall between the two of us.
I know that, in and of itself, is a contradiction to my belief of everyone just “being who they are.”
However; you’ll never hear me saying that just because you choose to live your life differently (as long as you’re not hurting anyone else or yourself), you’re wrong. You’ll never hear me saying anything disrespectful about your life. And if you did, I was probably drunk.
In fact, if you choose to live on the streets, max out your credit cards, buy the biggest house on the block, be a miser with your money, or never leave the confines of the town you live in, I really don’t care. What matters to me, in spite of our differences in lifestyles; is do we really like each other? Do I like the person you are? Do I like your heart? do you make me laugh? do we have the basic fundamentals of loving our neighbors and generally trying to be good people? Because if we do, let’s be friends.
And if we are friends, let’s not judge each other. Let’s support each other, through thick and thin.
Now, I am amazingly blessed with friends who are exactly that way. Seriously. I have friends who live their lives way different than I do. And I admire all of them for their choices. Mainly, I admire them because they respect mine as well. These are the same friends I’ve had for years. Not once have they ever criticized me or looked down at me simply because we had a simple difference of opinion. In fact, because we have differences, they mean even more to me.
This so-called “friend” is the exception.
And I’ve finally realized that I don’t like having this person in my life anymore. I do draw the line when they become negative and judgmental. When everytime I talk to them, they have something terrible to say about something positive that’s happening in my life. They offer no support whatsoever. No “hey girl, that’s great for you, I’m glad you’re living your dream”. Cause you know what? That’s how I feel when this person or any of my other friends live theirs.
I just want that back in return. The minute we stop supporting each other is when we need to re-evaluate the friendship.
And it’s sad because at one time in my life, this person was one of my best friends.
But life is too short and the negativity this person brings in to my life isn’t worth the hassle. Not when I can share my time with friends who are positive and who I know I can be honest with and know that I won’t have something negative thrown back at me.
This friends says that’s because my other friends aren’t being honest with me. I can guarantee you that all of my friends are honest with me.
I think it’s because that friend is jealous because I’m living a life they don’t have the courage for. I think this friend is ungrateful for all they are blessed wtih, this friend will never be satisified with just having what they have, which, by the way is nothing to sneeze at.
So, that’s been my life and drama lately. I’m getting too old to settle anymore. Luckily, I don’t have to make that choice very often.
My cup runneth over in my real friends.
Hopefully, the next post will be the next installment of the vacation recap. Right now, I’ve got a hot bath, and an iPod with my name on it.
No really. My name is ingraved on the back. Seriously!
And if you guys happen to see my muse anywhere, tell that bitch I need her back.