Apr 4

I like to think that I’m like most bloggers out there who don’t really get into deeply personal family issues….

And for the most part, I am. In spite of the support my family gives me and the fact that they allow me to be honest and forthright here; there are just some things that don’t need to be spread all over the internet.
But.

Right now I’m going through something pretty serious with a family member. It’s serious, it’s stressful, it’s ugly, and mainly sad. I’m sad that I can’t trust that family member to be honest with me. My distrust is very much warranted. I wish it wasn’t but it is. It’s what I grew up with.

At the same time, I love this person more than anything. I hate that we’re at odds with each other.

But I’m sick of trying to be a good girl. Putting the past behind me is proving to be a lot harder than I ever thought. Mainly in part to a large portion of it not being resolved. I think this person has told so many lies that they’re having to create bigger ones to cover for the ones they’ve told. It’s what happens when you’re dishonest to begin with.

Now, by no means have I always been honest and god knows, I’m far from perfect. But I would never lie about or withhold information like this. Especially not to someone who I’m supposed to love more than myself. It hurts me. I’ve cried a lot. It’s one thing to just not know, it’s another to lie about it. Plain and simple.
But I know I have to stand my ground on this one. I can’t bury my head in the sand and just get on with life pretending that everything is okay. I want answers. I need answers.

What the hell is so damn wrong with that?

Apr 1

I’ve got so many things brewing right now in my brain that I want to post about but I honestly don’t know where to start.

Like how tonight at dinner, Dusty and I came to the realization that there really isn’t anything that he and I can’t talk about with each other.

I’m not kidding.  We talk about that.  And that.  And yes…even THAT.  Seriously, it’s scary how comfortable he and I are around each other.  We’re to the point where there’s nothing left to do but loosen our pants and burp and fart in front of each other.  Luckily, he and I are just uptight enough not to cross that line.  We’d like to keep some things off limits, you know?  But it doesn’t it mean we haven’t talked about it.
What?  I told you we talked about that.

Oh yes.  I went there.

Anywho, instead I’ll tell you guys about how much we’re enjoying this glorious spring weather.  We took Joe and Hoi’s dogs out with us on Friday and brought Pepper along to go play on the frozen river.  It was hilarious.  There were many hi-jinks and I think Pepper’s found a new best friend (sorry Wrigley!).

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Guinness is a German Shepard who looks intimidating but is quite possibly the most docile dog I’ve ever encountered.  He thinks everyone is supposed to be his friend.  Pepper of course, ate that shit right up.  Especially since Guinness was not above making a complete ass out of himself to impress Pepper.  Like throwing himself to the ground and rolling in the snow.  Notice how Brownie and Pepper are unimpressed.

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Brownie is Guinness’s brother.  (adopted of course)  And he deigned to run and frolick and act anything less than dignified.  He and Lucky would get along famously.  That is, if Lucky hadn’t been all:  “I’m 14 god damn years old.  Would it be a catastrophe if I just wanted to lie here on the couch and nap with the cat? Geez.”  Brownie eventually just sat and refused to budge until he knew we were walking back to the bank where the truck was parked. He’s a stubborn one, Brownie.  Lucky for him, we really love dogs…and I mean..he looks so dignified.  I mean really.

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So in order to get Brownie to budge, we finally indulged him and ended our playdate and went back to the truck.  Guinness and Pepper both agreed that the whole thing went over smashingly and they both think we should do it again soon….

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Brownie?  Not so much.  Next time, he and Lucky can lay on the couch together and the two of them can burp and fart and spill all their secrets to each other while we’re out playing.

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