I like to think that I’m like most bloggers out there who don’t really get into deeply personal family issues….
And for the most part, I am. In spite of the support my family gives me and the fact that they allow me to be honest and forthright here; there are just some things that don’t need to be spread all over the internet.
Right now I’m going through something pretty serious with a family member. It’s serious, it’s stressful, it’s ugly, and mainly sad. I’m sad that I can’t trust that family member to be honest with me. My distrust is very much warranted. I wish it wasn’t but it is. It’s what I grew up with.
At the same time, I love this person more than anything. I hate that we’re at odds with each other.
But I’m sick of trying to be a good girl. Putting the past behind me is proving to be a lot harder than I ever thought. Mainly in part to a large portion of it not being resolved. I think this person has told so many lies that they’re having to create bigger ones to cover for the ones they’ve told. It’s what happens when you’re dishonest to begin with.
Now, by no means have I always been honest and god knows, I’m far from perfect. But I would never lie about or withhold information like this. Especially not to someone who I’m supposed to love more than myself. It hurts me. I’ve cried a lot. It’s one thing to just not know, it’s another to lie about it. Plain and simple.
But I know I have to stand my ground on this one. I can’t bury my head in the sand and just get on with life pretending that everything is okay. I want answers. I need answers.
What the hell is so damn wrong with that?