10 Facts of Faux Parenting

1.  You will do more laundry than you can imagine humanely possible in the span of just three days.

2.  You will begin to smell like baby wipes permanently.

3.  Goldfish crackers are a lifesaver when the baby won’t eat anything else.

4.  NEVER give a baby a bottle full of juice before bedtime or else you’ll just be doing fact number 1 all the time.
5.  Baby poop is disgusting yet tells the tale.  (who the HELL fed her broccoli?)

6.  Your dogs will prove to be the baby’s best entertainment.  (She cries, Pepper goes up to her and she immediately calms down.)

7.  A baby’s freshly washed head is one of the sweetest smells in the world.

8.  Motherhood really does equal less sleep.  Oh my GOD, does it ever.

9.  Any remote control or cell phone will keep a baby entertained when you and dog fail.

10.  When she reaches for you with her chubby, tiny, arms and gives you a half-gummy, half-tooth-filled grin, you forget all about the pooping, the sleepless nights, the crying, and the laundry and then begin to feel that yes, she does indeed like you and maybe perhaps you’d make a good mom someday.

One Response

  1. Heather Says:

    You WILL make a wonderful mother!!!! Motherhood–one of the hardest and most enjoyable jobs in the world. The only age (so far) that I haven’t liked is the Terrrible 2’s. Josh had his from 1 1/2 to a little over 3 and they were TERRIBLE!!!

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