Calling

So, that whole epiphany thing I was talking about?  I’m finally getting around to explaining it.

Let me back up for a second here:

You all know that I’m working on a degree in Nursing.  It’s still a long time coming because I’m only taking one class per semester, because it’s all my job will allow me the time for.  While I stress out over my classes, I really do love them.  I love learning and interacting with my classmates even if it is in a “virtual class” conducted via teleconference.

In December, I registered for an Anatomy and Physiology class, because it was simply the only class offered that fit into my curriculum.  I’ve been nervous about it because let’s face the irony here:  Science and Math aren’t my forte even though I’m seeking a degree that depends on learning a whole shit load of it.   Give me English and Humanities any day, but the Anatomy class is a necessity.  If I’m going to be administering IV’s, I damn sure better know the difference in an artery and a vein right?

With the stress of everything that happened since the New Year, I found myself completely out of the learning mode.  So, after much reservation, I drove over to the satellite campus and filled out a drop/withdrawal form.  That’s right, I withdrew from the class.  Even though I get my tuition back 100%, I still felt sick over it.  It took me so long to get back into school, now I was taking a step backwards!
The very next day, my friend Julie (who happens to be our local Physician Assistant at the clinic) called and told me that she got the “green light” to teach the Emergency Trauma Technician class and would I or Howard be interested in taking it?  I remember Julie talking about it a few months ago when we were fully staffed at the store and Howard and I both expressed interest.  Now, that I was out of “learning mode” and understaffed it was available.  Go figure.  Howard and I mulled it over and finally Howard told me he would forfeit taking it, on the condition that I did. (that would leave one of us to watch the store)  We went back and forth for a while but he made a good point on how I had the free time now, it would look good on my resume, and maybe it was a sign from God that I dropped the Anatomy class.  I called Julie and signed up.

My first class was Monday night.  As I sat there and listened and absorbed the information, I suddenly felt a calm warmth wash over me.  It was as close to any epiphany that I’ve ever had.  And I realized that I was born to do this.  I was born to work in the healthcare field.  Being there, learning about the human body, and saving lives is as close to a calling as singing and acting (my absolute dream job) on stage had ever been.  When I worked for Dr. Martin in Wilmington, I knew I wanted a job working with patients everyday.  I loved the ease with which I felt with another human being.  I loved the feeling of helping another person.  Even if it was just helping them see better with a stylish pair of eyeglasses.

But never before have I had a feeling of “Wow.  This is what you were meant to do in life.”

And I did on Monday night.  It’s an amazing feeling.  The class is four hours a night and I never look at a clock.  The time passes quickly and I’m usually sad when it’s over.  Let me tell you, if you’ve never had that feeling?  Then maybe you’re not doing what you’d really like to be doing.

Julie is my friend but Julie is also brutally honest.  I have it on a very good source that she told someone that I’d be an “excellent health care worker.”  That made me feel good.  Good that I don’t even have to express my feelings to her verbally for her to see that I’m really enjoying this class and I’m really looking forward to a career change in my future.

Let me say right now:  I like my job.  I mean, there’s a lot of frustration that goes along with it but this job has afforded me a way out of debt, a way to travel and see the world, and Lord knows it’s kept me in high thread count sheets, but I don’t usually come home with a deep sense of satisfaction, a sense that I genuinely changed a life or accomplished something important.  Maybe I do, but I certainly don’t feel it a lot.

I do with this class.  So far, I have everytime I’ve worked in a health care related setting.  And from now on, I won’t let fear of failure stop me from doing something that I truly love.

5 Responses

  1. Amy Says:

    Chrissy…that is…wonderful that you feel that.

    I know what it is like to feel the exact opposite…I thought I wanted to be an elementary school teacher…I really did. My BA? is totally focused on it.

    I graduated with honors. Got accepted into a hard to get into teaching credential program. Sat through the orientation and KNEW in my HEART I wasn’t suppose to do that…so I walked out and never went back. And I felt happy when I did…even though part of me was scared shitless because…I didn’t know what else to do with my life…

    That…I am still trying to figure out.

  2. Amy Says:

    I wanted to follow up with this:

    If I had stayed in the credential program…I would have been UNHAPPY. Very very unhappy. I would have been a shitty teacher. I am sure of that. Not to mention I would make shitty pay (how unfair is it that those who care for our children and our elderly are of the lowest paid??). I still may semi-shitty pay…but I am happier not being a teacher.

    So I had an epiphany too and I am thankful for it…but my was what NOT to do with my life..

  3. Jason Says:

    I had to tell you that I am so proud of you. You never cease to surprise and amaze me.

    I know what you are talking about for sure–when I started on my interior design program journey (how gay, right?), I got the same type of feeling. Everytime I would start a class, I would get this feeling that I was supposed to be there. And that was true through graduation. I was so emotional at graduation, thinking that I had finally accomplished something I was proud of. I teared up more than a few times. I had truly applied myself, graduated with honors, and made my family and friends proud. It was an awesome feeling, Now I struggle with confidence and finding where I fit in in this field. Hopefully, I’ll find my place sooner than later. But it will come. Maybe it’s like “Field of Dreams”, if you decorate it, they will come. he he

    I have the highest hopes for you and don’t stop blogging, I love getting to know even more about the sweetheart that I have always adored. Can’t wait to see you in NC soon. Love you.

  4. Jason Says:

    Sidebar—–

    I wanted to thank you for turning me on to “Rome.” I saw that it was one of your favorites, so I decided to check it out. Darrell and I watched the whole first season in 3 evenings and we are hooked. Who knew ancient Rome was so hot?

  5. Chris Says:

    Amy-now that’s brave girl but people like you are my heros. You have the guts to walk away before becoming miserable. You rock!

    Jason-my little sweetie. You have always had such a big heart and have always been able to put a big smile on my face. I’m so happy that you’ve known that feeling of belonging too. I’ve no doubt that you’ll find your place in your field. You is talented baby! I love you and can’t wait to see you! (Glad you enjoy such amateur musings as my blog!)

    And on the whole Sidebar thing. Oh dear God, don’t I know? The “eye-candy” factor alone is worth watching. Kevin McKidd (Lucious)….drool. This season is really good too but it’s the final one. Dammit! Why do all my favorite shows end so soon?! (Don’t you just love that catty bitch Attia?)

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