Nov 28

From Overheard in New York

She’s in British Columbia Denial

Girl #1: My brother drives between Alaska and Colorado once a year. It’s a really long drive.
Girl #2: Wait… I thought Alaska wasn’t connected to America.
Guy: It’s connected to Canada.
Girl #2: So, there’s like, a bridge?
Guy: No. It’s connected to Canada.
Girl #2: No, it’s not! It’s an island. Canada breaks up over there.
Guy: I swear to god, it’s connected to Canada.
Girl #2: No!

–Coffee shop, Mercer & 3rd

Nov 26

Sometimes it’s so easy? I’m ashamed of myself.

While playing Pictionary tonight, Dusty’s teammate was drawing the picture and Dusty was trying to guess what it was. Here’s how it played out:

Dusty: Sardines?

Joan: No.

Dusty: Sardines? (no that’s not a typo, he asked it again?)

Joan: No.

Dusty: Sardines on Pizza??!?!

Joan: NO!

Billy: Dusty? I’m guessing “sardine” is not the answer.

Then Billy, his wife Alpha, myself and Howard all died right there from laughing so hard.

Nov 25

Yesterday was awesome. From start to finish.

I finally got to Susie’s around noon after running around, getting ready, packing up the food to be cooked, and making our rounds of phone calls, which MOM I know I didn’t call you but I meant to and I just didn’t get around to it but I will call you this weekend. Howard gave me your message though.

First of all, cooking in a ginormous kitchen, a professional kitchen is wonderful. I loved that anything I asked for was there. Susie, Todd, and I were all there together right after I arrived and not once did we bump in to each other. I may just come up with dumb excuses for cooking over there now.

After stuffing the turkey and putting it in the oven, Susie and I toasted with Mimosas and prepared our appetizers. Kathy and Tommi, Dusty’s mom and sister showed up and completed our appetizer table:

Alaska Misc- 2006 1102.jpg

….and then we set up the bar:

Alaska Misc- 2006 1148.jpg

and finally dinner was ready:
Alaska Misc- 2006 1156.jpg

..and then we all sat down and had dinner, and boy was it yummy.

Alaska Misc- 2006 1159.jpg

You know?  I’m thinking the lack of alcohol is what makes my family’s Thanksgiving so stressful.  If we all just got good and tanked before we got together (or you know, why not just drink together?) to eat and give thanks, we’d probably have a great time.

Of course, the next day, there would be the guilt trips, the blaming, and the arguments over who is entitled to the biggest room in hell.

Oh well.  It’s an entertaining thought.

Nov 23

Before I start cooking my turkey and getting obsessed with making the perfect Challah bread stuffing, I want to take a minute and express my gratitude on this Thanksgiving Day.

First of all, I am thankful for a husband who, after 13 and a half years of marriage still sends me emails that say this:

“You do not know how much I really love you.  You do not know that I turn down the music or TV when I hear you sing in the bathtub.  I love your voice when you are singing.”

Well honey?  I do now, and I’m without words, forgive me sweetheart.  I hope there are other people in the world who have what we have.  Thank you for allowing me to be myself, for always accepting me and loving me all the more for it.  Mainly, thank you for putting up with me.  I love you.
I’m thankful to have a job that, while it isn’t exactly my dream job, it provides food on my table, clothes on my back, and a means for me to travel and see the world.

I’m thankful for my family.  My memaw, my mom, my stepfather, my sister, my nieces and nephews who are so very far away, and who allow me to write honestly about them here and still love and support me.  My mother especially.  Thank you, mom.

I’m thankful for my friends.  Wow.  A wealth of friendships have been made just in the time we’ve been living in this great state, a vast number in my lifetime, some of them, I’ve lost touch with, some I haven’t.  All of them, I dearly love.

I’m thankful for the friends I will be spending Thanksgiving with today.  Dusty’s family who has all but “adopted” Howard and myself.  Dusty’s aunt Susie who is letting me totally wreck use her industrial kitchen to burn cook my turkey and spend the day in a glorious haze thanks to her Hot Buttered Rum recipe.  I’m grateful for Dusty, the brother I’ve always wanted.  I’m grateful to his mom who goes out of her way, much like everyone else in his family, to put a smile on my face.

I’m thankful that I live in a country where I can speak freely, and I’m thankful that I live in a town where I can sleep with my doors unlocked.

I’m thankful for my four legged furries, my two dogs and my cat, who have humored me by their presence in my life everyday.

I’m thankful that I’m reasonably healthy.  I don’t have any life threatening illnesses, I’ve got two legs to walk with, a voice with which to sing, two arms to hug with, eyes that can take in the beauty of the world and two ears that can hear it too.

From my home to yours, have a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Nov 23

I actually received a nasty email about the comment I made about my friend Julie:

“If she and I ever decide to ‘play for the other team’, we would totally run off and get married.”

I don’t want to post it here but let me just say that it chewed my ass about sexual orientation. It was a long lecturing post about how people can’t just “choose”, they are “born” gay or straight.

And that’s not what upset me because I BELIEVE THAT TOO.

What upsets me is that this person obviously has NO SENSE OF HUMOR. Obviously this person DIDN’T READ MY BIO over there on the left right above the “Blogroll” regarding my affinity for sarcasm.

Obviously this person hasn’t gotten laid in a very long time.

BUT. BUT! Sarcasm aside, I am elated that enough people are reading now that I got my official piece of hatemail.


That is all. We now continue our regular posting.

Nov 20

So, I’ve been owing this post to her for a long time. Just as I’ve written about Jen and Heather, Julie deserves an equally adoring post as well.

Julie and I met in junior high. In fact, she, Heather, and myself sort of ran in the same circles. Julie was in my band class and she played the drums. I played the clarinet. I was the cliche. Most girls played the flute or the clarinet in our band class, but Julie stood out. She was the cool chick who chose percussion. She was immediately awesome in my eyes. Which is not to say that clarinet and flute players aren’t cool. I mean, we were all band geeks. And band geeks? to me? Are ALL super cool.
When we got to high school, we began to hang out more and get to know each other better. When Heather moved away to Ohio, I was so sad and so was Julie. This brought us closer together. Then Julie herself switched schools which made me even more lonely. Lucky for me, (or unlucky as I would find out later) I had a boyfriend who took up a lot of my time. Julie came to her senses and switched back to our high school and I wasn’t about to let her go again.

We became inseparable whenever I could get away from my boyfriend. I was in a destructive relationship. The boyfriend didn’t like any of my friends. In fact, he didn’t like the fact that I had friends at all. Julie, amazingly, hung in there though. (then again, the psycho didn’t go talking shit about me like he did to my Heather, what a prick!) She knew I was unhappy but also blind-sided by this twisted love. She was patient. She and I would sneak away to do things on the weekend when I could come up with a lie to tell the boyfriend. She never judged me, at least not vocally. She never lectured me either. She knew I’d leave when I had enough and I tried not to complain to her about my relationship woes too.

Julie and I developed a “lingo” between us that drove the said boyfriend crazy. Things like “Duh-rear”, “Let’s go Lay Espanol”, “They got the best biscuits and gravy”. People would give us weird looks but we didn’t care. We knew what it meant and thought it was funny…and frankly still do. Seriously. Eating Chick Fil-A at the food court at the mall when I’m home? One of us can just say it and we still nearly piss ourselves.

After I dumped the boyfriend, Julie and I were joined at the hip, she drove me to school everyday and drove me home. We did the silly things that high school girls do. We bought matching outfits and wore them to school. We got similar hair styles. We were the “Romy and Michelle” of 1992.

Most importantly, we leaned on each other a lot.

I went off to college and Julie and I each grew up and moved on with our lives. She got married. I got married. She had a kid. I moved away. We went five years without seeing each other at one time but we talked at least once a year and we always picked up right up where we left off.

Julie has been through more than one person should have to endure in a lifetime. Things I don’t want to tell you all because I respect her privacy. But let me tell you…the girl’s been through it.

And yet. When I came home last year for vacation, she still made me smile and laugh until my sides hurt, she’s still bubbly and upbeat, she still puts up that stoic front. But at the same time, she KNOWS I want to know her truth and she tells me. And I give her my undying support and love. No matter her choices. I will always be in her corner and she knows it.

And we still say that if we ever decide to “play for the other team”, we’ll totally run off and get married.

When I’m home in NC, I always have a “Julie” day. I’ll go to pick her up at work and say hi to her boss (She is a nurse and the doctor she works for was my own doctor from the time I was 5 weeks old until I graduated high school) and co-workers, we go have lunch and just hang out, mainly we catch up with each other, and leave each other trying not to well up with tears.

I’ll do the same thing when I’m home in February and I can’t wait to see her again. She’s had a “transforming” year. She’s battled a lot this past year too and has come out fighting and just as strong. Girlfriend is getting a big margarita this time around, whether she likes it or not.

Nov 18

Last night, I put on a Dave Matthews CD to fall asleep to.

Not that they actually put me to sleep in any way.

Their music always relaxes me because it is awesome, I love LeRoi Moore on the saxophone, aside from Dave of course. Hell I love all those boys, what am I saying?

Aaaanyway, I thought this was a great song especially with everything going on in the world. Enjoy!

If these walls came crumblin' down
Fell so hard, to make us lose our faith
From what's left you'd figure it out
Still make lemonade taste like a sunny day

Stay, beautiful baby
I hope you
Stay, American baby
American baby

Nobody's laughing now
God's grace lost and the devil is proud
But I've been walking for a thousand miles
One last time, I could see you smile

I (I) hold (hold) on (on) to you
You bring me hope, I'll see you soon
And if I don't see you
I'm afraid we've lost the way

Stay, beautiful baby
I hope you
Stay, American baby
American baby

I (I) hold (hold) on (on) to you
You lift me up and always will
I see you in life
Hope I don't get left behind

I (I) hold (hold) on (on) to you
You bring me hope, I'll see you soon
And if I don't see you
I'm afraid we've lost the way

Stay, beautiful baby
I hope you
Stay, American baby
I hope you
Stay, beautiful baby
I hope you
Stay, American baby
American baby
Nobody's laughing now
But you could always make me laugh out loud
Nov 16

I got an email from my friend Heather a couple of weeks ago.

Now, you have to know Heather because to hear her laugh is hysterical.  She and I are a lot a like in that neither of us can really talk and laugh at the same time and we take quick, high pitched breaths in between giggles.  When I read this, all I could picture, was her, trying to tell her her husband Steve (here I go, I’m laughing just typing it) and possibly folding one arm over her stomach and bending over and slapping a knee, trying to put a coherant sentence together.

It’s just so funny.  In fact, I’m not sure what makes me laugh more.  Josh or Heather telling Steve.  Nevertheless, the story is hilarious.


“I have to tell you this. Josh has finally lost both of his top front teeth and even though it’s been almost a month; everytime I look at him, I want to laugh. He is one of those kids that just looks really funny with those teeth gone. Especially, with him wearing glasses and his ears still stick out a bit. I’m so bad picking on my kid. ;) Speaking of being bad, you know those emails that go like this—look at the screen and you will see a ghost then some scary pics “jumps” out at you? Welllllll I got one that says to find the 3 differences in the 2 pictures so I had Josh do it (i’m sitting here laughing thinking about it), he is sitting there trying to find the differences and this Linda Blair-like pic with big pointy teeth jumps out and the sound is someone screaming. Josh sits there frozen then I go over to him and he slides out of the computer chair onto the floor and starts crying and I start laughing. Steve comes home right at this time and he likes what’s going on so i’m trying to tell him while i’m laughing (and about to pee my pants) and Josh finally gets off the floor, goes over to the couch and doesn’t talk to me for about an hour. Oh man, it was soooo funny. I know I’m sad but it was worth the look on Josh’s face. He comes up with the best faces for different things. lolololol
I so need more houses to clean, I’m so bored that I’m scaring my kid just to have some excitment in my life. Take care and talk to you later, Heather”
That? Was hysterical.  And if you didn’t think so? Then you have NO sense of humor.  I love you Heather.  You are so awesome.
And in case anyone was wondering?  Josh is one of the smartest children I know.  This kid was using an extensive vocabulary at age three.  He’s a great kid, Heather is a great mother, so please don’t email me about Heather being mean spirited.  I plan on making my children the butt of several jokes, on many occasions.  That is;  if I ever have any.
For now?  My friends’ children will have to do.
On a completely different note;  My tenacious husband, ONCE AGAIN, saved us from honeybucket hell.  He made our water pipes his bitch last night and they were acting like proper motherfuckers this morning.  Boo-fucking-yah.
Nov 15

I just clicked over to Echoes and saw this:

ETS's Vin header

To get a better look, go on there and check it out yourself. Somehow I forget about the lack of running water and having frozen sewer pipes when looking at that righteous example of a man.

Then again, it also makes me want a shower real bad.

Howard? That is what I want for Christmas. A shower with Vin. Wrap it up. I’ll take it.

Nov 15

Damn it.

This morning I was in the bathroom, I’d just disrobed and blew my nose and by second nature, I threw the tissue in the toilet and flushed.

I think you know where this is going, right?

Water rose to the top of the toilet and spilled over.  Then and only then after standing there looking at it like I could somehow will the water to not overflow, did I grab the plunger and plunge frantically.  I plunged, and plunged, and plunged.

And plunged.

And the fucking water just kept coming.  Lord?  Let me thank you now for not having anything else in that toilet.  I screamed for Howard who jumped out of bed and stopped to look at me completely naked, plunging frantically.  God knows, what that visual looked like.

He took over with the plunger and FINALLY got the water to stop flowing but it wouldn’t go down.  THEN, he glanced over into the tub and saw that the reason the toilet water was no longer overflowing on to the floor is because it was now flowing into the tub.  More than likely, we have ice in our pipes.  Which means neither of us showered today.

You know.  I know what it’s like to live without water.  You all know that.  I can do it.  I can go days without a shower without whining too much.

But it doesn’t mean I like it or would go back to that lifestyle, given a choice.

The pipes still aren’t thawed yet.  I guess I should just be happy the pipes aren’t broken.


On a totally unrelated note:
My good friend Heather found that email and sent it to me so I promise you that I’ll have it up in the next couple of days.  Please send some good karma, rub your Buddhas, and pray to God that our water problem will be resolved very soon.

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