Mar 14

I tried to deny it for the past couple of weeks, hoping it was just stress. But not even after a weekend of relaxation minus school work is my body able to reset itself.

Nope, the insomnia has returned once again. Waking up in a panic at midnight, and every hour on the hour, tossing and turning, shifting the covers, getting up to let the dog out, hoping the cold air will somehow trick my body into actually craving the warmth of my comfortable bed (not to mention sheets).

Only at about 7:59am do my eyes grow heavy and I feel my body give in to slumber. At 8:00am the alarm goes off and I have to get up for work.

Add that to the current stress of my life and I’m one happy camper.

I don’t know how to deal with this anymore. Insomnia gives way to panic, gives way to questions like: will I ever be a normal sleeper? FUCK. I just want 8 God damn hours, consecutively and somewhere between 10pm and 8am. That’s all I want. Right now, my average is 4 hours. And those hours aren’t usually consecutive. And you’d better believe I don’t dare nap during the day. Oh no. That will wreak havoc even more.

It seems from the time I was able to move around in my mother’s womb, my sleeping habits have been less than desirable. Just ask my mom. I was awake A LOT. Poor woman never got any sleep when she was pregnant with me.

I am grateful for the few months that I do get a decent amount of sleep, believe me. But is it too much to ask to want it all the time?

There are people who can function on very little sleep. I can function? But not happily. Insomnia does not suit me at all. It is the cross I bear for some reason.

Medication? Tried ‘em all. They work in large doses only. My body is just too stubborn. I have to find a way to make my body listen to my mind.

So be grateful if you’re the type to hit the pillow and go right to sleep. Remember the weirdos like us running around.

Mar 12

Maria, my fellow shoe addict, tagged me for this so enjoy!

The rules:
List 7 songs you’re into right now. No matter the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re any good, they must be songs you’re really enjoying right now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they’re listening too.

1. What Hurts The Most-Rascal Flatts
2. My Humps-Black Eyed Peas(Don’t you dare balk and laugh, I’m overcome with the urge to dance everytime it comes on, it’s catchy)
3. Let’s Get It On-Marvin Gaye (I’ve been really “into” that song for the past 20 years, and still crank it up when it comes on)
4. Same Old Lang Syne-Dan Fogelburg
5. Welcome to Wherever You are-Bon Jovi
6. Here With Me-Sarah Brightman
7. The Ghost of You and Me-BB Mac

A weird mix? Yeah. But they’re the songs I’m “into” right now.

I’m only going to tag 2 people. My oldest friends Julie and Heather. They’re due for an update anyway. How else is anyone going to know beautiful and intelligent they are besides me?

Mar 11

Just some things that have happened this week, particularly last night:

-I’ve met some insanely delicious men. And for some reason, a lot of them are Australian.

-Howard’s met some insanely hot women, who mostly are French.

-We’ve been meeting up periodically during the day and comparing notes. Flirting shamelessly (Hey, just because you’re on a diet doesn’t mean you can’t look at the menu.)

-Last night at the bar, I swear every person associated with the race that was in town, was there.

-Dusty and I decided to really tie one on because today is my first full day off since returning from vacation. (Barring none of my employees call in sick) I decided on Margaritas and he decided on Miller Lite. I lost count of how many we had.

-Camille, Susie, and I were watching the hot Aussies, trying to decide if one of them was gay or just metrosexual.

-Explained to Dusty what metrosexual means. He’s so intelligent and “book smart” and knows public administration inside and out, but is so naive when it comes to pop culture and the lingo, that it’s actually quite adorable.

-We had a whole table full of women except for Dusty and Howard and they were completely reveling in all the attention from us. (men are such pigs..hee)

-Susie borrowed Dusty’s chap stick (she’s his aunt and his favorite one) and then made a joke about giving it back to him and pretended like she was going to kiss him! (just to embarass him people, don’t get excited) BUT THEN, he jokingly said “Kiss Chrissy and give it to her!”. She then grabbed my face and kissed me full on the mouth, except my mouth was kind of open, and we both cut our lips on my teeth. But the Chap Stick trick really worked! (there was nothing sexual about it, you just don’t dare Susie to do anything, cause she’ll do it to make a point)

-A couple having sex in the bathroom.

-Dusty, Judy(Rich’s girlfriend, who was out and having a good time and we were so happy about it), and I actually putting our ears to the door and listening to them! (and giggling like children, because sometimes it’s just really fun to be immature!)

-And the best? One of the Aussie’s openly rolling a joint in the bar. We sat there with our mouths agape, because he was ROLLING A JOINT IN THE BAR! Dude, we know that possession of a certain amount of marijuana in Alaska is legal but you don’t ROLL THE JOINT IN A PUBLIC BAR! Have I mentioned he was OPENLY ROLLING A JOINT IN THE BAR? okay. wasn’t sure.

I am now without a voice this morning and I’m not sure it’s from all the smoking or all my talking, but I needed a night to just really let my hair down. And I did. And in case you are wondering, no, I did not smoke the joint that the GUY ROLLED IN A PUBLIC BAR!

Mar 9

What a crazy yet fun week this has been. Even with the mid-terms. Especially since they are behind me and I don’t have classes next week! (Spring Break…I forgot how fun it could be!)

There’s been all kinds of festivities this week. The first 30 mushers have already checked in and are already headed to the next checkpoint. McGrath is a checkpoint but not a mandatory stopover, so a few of them checked in, fed their dogs, had the vet do their check ups and were back on the trail. We’ve seen about 20 dropped dogs. They’ve been helicoptering them in, setting them up with some nice straw and some good food and then they’re being flown back to Anchorage until their owners finish the race.

For those of you who saw my post about treating animals in a humane way? I have to say right now, Especially to PETA: These dogs are being treated with the utmost love and care. And I will ALSO say this from experience and I know my friend Melanya will back it up: Those dogs LOVE to mush. They get crazy excited about it. And when they wear out, their owners take them out of the race. The “checkpoints” are mainly for the dogs. There is an attending veterinarian to make sure they are still healthy and not over-worked. The vets often have chiropracters on hand to massage any tense joints, and to make sure they are always comfortable.

We’ve met people from all over the world so far this week. It really is the “last great race” and people really do flock from everywhere just to get a glimpse of it. We’ve had two “Chinese Auctions” this week to raise funds for the radio station and our own Native Youth Olympic team. The visitors have been most generous.

The week’s not even over yet, but I know by the time the race is finished, I’ll have lots more. For now? Here’s a few pics of the mushers feeding the teams and the dogs enjoying some R&R. Enjoy!

Mar 9

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Mar 7

So guess what? I ACED the mid-term. Got 10 out of 10 points. On an exam that we had to write ourselves. The format? 20 detailed essay questions. My professor even wrote “YES!” “EXCELLENT WORK CHRISTINA!” (He REFUSES to call me “Chris” for some reason.)

Oh my Dog, I am so relieved.

In class last night, he once again called on me (because the man LOVES to ask me questions), and after I answered his question, he started quizzing me, he tends to do this to everyone, just whenever he feels like it, but hey, it makes the class interesting and it’s a good way to get to know your classmates. (it’s a teleconference, so we can’t see each other either)

Aaaanyway, somehow I let it slip that Howard was a teacher before we moved to Alaska. (People find it so hard to believe he would give up such a noble profession to well…move to the boonies and help his crazy wife run a store).

Tonight, I got a reply to the email I sent him with my mid-term attached, stating that any man who can give up such a rewarding career for the love of adventure, not to mention the love of his wife, is a man worth keeping. Awwwww. Made Howard feel all warm and fuzzy it did. He also told me that he loved my “lilting southern accent” and that it was “beautiful”. Well thank God someone sees the beauty in it (besides my Tessy, of course) besides imagining me barefoot and picking straw out of my teeth. He also thanked me for my hard work in the class.

It’s nice to be rewarded for all this damn stress. Which means, I’ll totally keep doing it (stressing out) because why mess up a good thing?

Mar 5

I’m supposed to be working on midterms today and tomorrow and I’ll get to it but I wanted to say I feel much more relaxed and focused. Yesterday, I decided to just forget about school and homework for one day and just do whatever I wanted to do.

I told Howard I wanted my favorite comfort food for dinner. He made soft tacos with lots of cheese, lettuce, and sour cream. Exactly what I needed.

I also had a couple glasses of wine and decided to actually read one of the many many many books I’ve bought over the last two years and haven’t read.

I mean, I can’t tell you the last time I’ve sat down to read a book just for pleasure. On vacation, I brought only my textbooks, so I would be forced to concentrate on my class, and keep up while I was gone. (The class began while I was on vacation) I think it was before Thanksgiving. Way too long to go without reading something I like.

I wanted to read something easy. Something that would hold my interest but not make me think too much. Maybe something a bit trashy. Hey, at least it’s reading right? So I decided on Michael Bergin’s The Other Man.

Now I know a lot of people talked smack about him writing this book. Apparantly people like to think Carolyn Bessette Kennedy was a saint simply because she is dead. And then people ask why he decided to write it after her death. Well. Um. Hello. The answer is obvious. Would YOU write a book about a woman you loved and was having an affair with, especially being married to a Kennedy while the whole thing was going on? My guess would be no. I actually think the book reflected on her beautifully. Yes, she cheated on her husband with him twice. But the majority of the book concentrates on their relationship before she even got involved with, much less married to, JFK Jr. Rumors swirled about the memoir saying she was addicted to drugs. There was nothing of the sort in the book. It reflected her as a complex, beautiful, loving, albeit confused woman. God forbid, she was human. And flawed. Incidently, Carolyn’s family approved of the book and Michael. I’m not condoning either of their actions and I’m also smart enough to know he was exploiting the relationship to get some money from his story. But a lot of the book is “setting the record straight”. I think he did a pretty good job. I finished it in about three hours.

Back to my point; I was relaxed for the first time in a long time. Probably since Rome. I slept good, woke up feeling rested, and went to the store to do my weekly paperwork with enthusiasm. Even if the fog has temporarily cleared, and I’m hazy again tomorrow, clarity is priceless whenever you’re lucky enough to have it.

Mar 3

Thank God, because I’ve got nothin’ but homework and midterms this week. (though I did attend a City Council meeting because I’m supposed to be writing YET ANOTHER GOD DAMNED PAPER on analyzing group conflict, and OH MY DOG, did I get some good material, but I’ll save that for when I can put it into a more coherant post)

Aaaaaanywho, thank you Amy for the meme.

The Education MI-5

1. What was your favorite subject in grade school? High school? College?
I’m not really sure I had a favorite subject in grade school but if I had to choose, it would Spelling. I won the school spelling bee when I was in sixth grade. Boo Fucking Ya. In High School, it was Drama and English. I loved both pretty equally. College? Well let me tell you it ain’t the fucking class I’m taking right now.

2. Let’s say you had the opportunity to take an evening class. What subject would it be?
Wait, I am taking an evening class. Apparantly I have some sick ambition to take really hard fucking Critical Thinking classes. And then have the nerve to bitch about it.

3. Would you tell us the name of your first school crush?
If I had to really think about my first? It would probably be this dude named Chris Carter. I was in 1st grade and he was sooooooooo cute. A group of girls would chase him across the playground and try to kiss him. I’m pretty sure I was in that group. He moved away the next year, he’s probably still traumatized to this day.

4. What was your favorite “hot lunch” (lunch served in the cafeteria)? What was your favorite “cold” or brown bag lunch?
School Pizza baby! Which they totally do not serve anymore. Which sucks for all the kids now because I can guarantee they’d be all “Papa John’s?, what’s that shit? Give us the good, square pizza!” Brown bag lunch was Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. I still love me a good PB&J.

5. Tell us about some cool high school field trip/dance/outing/fling you participated in, or some cool memory like that…
You know? I could sit here and say that I hated high school but honestly? I had a FUCKING BLAST! I sort of “blossomed” in high school. While I did date an asshole for a period of time, I did manage to have some really good times too. To try and name just one would be hard. I didn’t have a whole lot of “flings” so they’re easier to narrow down. “Flings”, relationship wise, especially. (Remember, I didn’t become a slut until college) Post asshole, in my senior year, I met this guy through my good friend Shawn. His name was Chris. (Oh I could go all day on how many Christophers there have been/are in my life) He was totally hot. He wanted me. I wanted him. We’d flirt quietly with our eyes and half smiles. He would make these somewhat grand gestures to prove his point, which pleased me VERY VERY much. For example: He was in the gym playing basketball, I walked past (the gym was actually on a lower floor which was open to the upper floor, where all the lockers and hallways were, during school hours, there were bars that kept access only to the lower floor, I was on the upper floor, looking down into the gym) and coyly sought him out with my eyes. He spotted me at the same time. I smiled, he smiled, then made the hoopshot, ran over to where I was, ripped off his tanktop and threw it up to me. Well my GOD, who wouldn’t be flattered? Oh but I was going to play hard to get. I threw his shirt back to him, and sashayed off (yeah I was all ego during that moment). That’s how our little flirtations would go. Messages through Shawn, goo goo eyes, and grand gestures. Shawn was getting getting pretty fucking tired of it too, let me tell you. God bless that man. Aaaaanyway, so a few days later, we were sitting in the hallway before class (because that’s what you did at my high school) with a group of friends, including Shawn and Chris when all of a sudden these two guys land right in the middle of our circle, having a huge fist fight! We all scramble and a crowd gathers and chaos ensues. In the middle of all the chaos, Chris grabs me, pushes me up against a locker and proceeds to kiss me. There we were making out and no one cared! Long story short, he and I were hot and heavy for about a month until the gas ran out, and we moved on to other things. But we remained friends for a couple of years after that. I think it was a “first fling” for both of us. We’ve lost touch over the years but occasionally I’ll get an “update” from classmates or and get a notification that he’s “put me on his list” of buddies. I do the same for him. It was a good memory that neither of us regret.

(And here I was fretting that I didn’t have any good material)

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