Back to the Insanity

Today it was back to work for Howard and myself. Yesterday upon our return, we did a “walk-through” of the store to critique the relief manager’s work and he didn’t do too bad. However, we are perfectionists and of course, never fully satisfied with anyone’s work but our own. (okay, that whole “we” thing is really mostly “I”) The rest of the day was spent unpacking and, setting up “alternative methods” of using the toilet. You know? This is a time when I’m REALLY REALLY happy that I can use what I learned from not having running water in our Bering Sea village. I’m also more relaxed with it and less grossed out. Okay Josh, stop me, I’m giving way too much information again, aren’t I?

Last night, Howard drank a few beers and watched the Super Bowl gleefully giddy watching the Steelers beat the Seahawks (who beat our beloved Panthers two weeks ago!), and after the game, I looked over at him and he was completely pale and told me he felt nauseous. Now, I know Howard has had his share of health problems this past year but this man NEVER gets nauseated. He was suddenly so weak, he could barely get off the couch without my help. I got him into bed, and laid with him for a while, secretly panicked inside, scared to death. He’s never acted this way before, aside from his dizzy spells and low blood sugar episodes. I also realized how many times this has happened to me and it’s been a lot. I wondered if he ever got this panicky when he had to take care of me like that. Then I wondered why EVERYTHING seemed to be throwing me into a panic lately. Not even a fabulous trip to Europe and an epiphany at the Vatican could cure me of my anxiety, apparantly. When I finally heard his signature snores, I left the room to calm myself down. Today, he’s feeling fine, and laughed when I told him how it freaked me the fuck out last night. (though we never found out what actually made him sick) I also asked him if he ever got like that when I’ve gotten sick and he surprised me by saying “God yes, it scares the hell out of me. Even after 15 years together, the thought of you being sick and something happening tears me up.” I was a bit relieved to hear that, however, he did say that those thoughts are just that, they don’t morph into full on panic about everything else like mine. Well FUCK, and here was beginning to think I was normal.

Aaaaaanyway, it seems like everyone is happy that we’re back and that we’ll be staying in this village for a while. I’m up to my armpits in fiscal year end stuff, and it may take me weeks to get back to my perception of “normal” but at least I don’t have THAT to worry about.

I also managed to catch up on all my reading assignments for my class tonight, (Did I mention I’m taking classes through UAF?) including three comparison thesis statements. Go me. I work MUCH better under pressure.

Full vacation recap coming as soon as I can make some headway with work and home related stuff. Hopefully the sewage problem will be fixed tomorrow. Apparantly I was being way too kind to myself to assume that I was the only one in town that had a frozen sewer line due to the extremely cold conditions. Hell, there was even an article in the Anchorage Daily News about it. Go read it and enjoy some coherant writing that actually makes some sense.

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