Oct 30

Yesterday, Howard and I had our first full day off together. Meaning that we weren’t out of town like last weekend but just “off”. Legitimately “off work” while letting our new book keeper and two other workers run the store while Howard and I attempted to relax.

Also, the teachers asked us if we could volunteer our time at the Halloween Carnival judging the kids’ costume contest, so that was another reason we took the day off.

It’s amazing the comments you get when you’re not in work mode and actually out and about town. Especially in a very small town like this.

“Wow, who’s watching the store?”

“Great to see you guys! So glad you finally took some time off!”

“We’re so flattered you left the store long enough to come out!”

and the best:

“You look totally different without your blue denim shirts (our work attire) on.”

So we judged the contest, which was VERY difficult because holy shit, the kids here have some awesome costumes at Halloween. My very favorite was in the Pre-K group; he was four years old and dressed in a miniature Elvis costume. I wanted to gobble him up right there. His mom bought the costume off ebay, from a lady who custom makes them in miniature sizes.
{Before you get mad at not seeing a picture, you must know that since we’ve found the card reader? we’ve now lost the charging cord that plugs into the camera’s battery. So, we have a beautiful, fancy camera which is completely useless right now.) We did three or four cake walks because I had my eye on one cake that was encrusted with Rice Chex and Cheerios and looked soooo damn yummy, but of course, we didn’t win. But we patronized the booths, socialized with everyone and promised that we would be at the big costume party at the bar later in the evening.

Which brings me to the next part of my story. Howard and I decided way back in September that we would dress up as Cleopatra and Julius Caesar, and bought kick ass costumes online and I also bought a black wig. Upon their arrival, I realized the wig looking NOTHING like it did online (big shocker right?), unless of course I wanted to look like Cleopatra on crack. Nevermind I’m dressing up as a slutty empress who seduced a married man AND had a child with him, then hooked up with his best friend after his demise. I mean I might have dressed as a whore but not a crack whore. I mean, I’ve got my standards, okay? Anywho.

Everyone kept telling me to just buy the black hair spray because no one would understand a Cleopatra with red hair. So I broke down and bought the black hair spray. BIG MISTAKE.
Howard sprayed my hair last night and let me just say: Those cheap bottles of colored hair spray are just basically powder in a can. Not only was my hair black, but also my hands and anything I so much as even brushed up against. When I finally put the costume on, and realized the majority of it was white? And then also realized that unless I barely moved, everything and everyone around me would be smudged with black which would not make for a good time, so at the last minute, I had Howard carefully remove my costume and I jumped into the shower and used half a bottle of shampoo to wash the shit out of my hair. Not to mention my hands, my arms, my shoulders and my back. A red headed Cleopatra would just HAVE to do.

So we dressed, I re-applied my make up, blow dried my hair and we arrived at the party at a decent hour. We were blown away by everyone’s comments. When we removed our jackets, there were actual whistles and “whoa baby!”, and “DAMN, you guys look hot!” And turns out, no one even noticed my hair. They immediately knew who we were by our costumes. And speaking of costumes, there were some awesome ones last night. Captain Underpants, Elvis, A Beer Keg, A fishing lure, a Sumo Wrestler, Al Capone. I mean, everyone said we’d be impressed by the costumes here but boy, we were beyond impressed. So, we mingled, we danced, we had a great time and everyone kept telling us how the big Halloween party is every new person’s initiation into this village. They say you’re not really a citizen of the town until you participate. So in addition to comments on our costumes, we kept getting big “welcomes” albeit three months later. We left the party in the wee hours of morning, happy that we live in this cool, laid back little village. And we also realized why the previous store manager stayed here for 12 years.

I have to admit, ever since we were so suddenly plucked out of our Bering Sea village and transferred to “Hell or somewhere similar” earlier in the year, THEN having to move to this village only 5 months later, I’ve been apprehensive to hang many pictures on the wall, to unpack boxes, to really “settle in” and make this house “our home”. But last night, after the party, and after my boss’s reassurance two weeks ago that he would leave us here for as long as we wanted and as long as we were doing well, I’m thinking I’ll unpack more boxes today, maybe hang some family photos, put some books up on the shelf. Make it “ours”. Because I’m now realizing that while we miss our Bering Sea village, perhaps fate played a big role in our last two moves. If we’d never been forced to move to “Hell or somewhere similar”, we’d have never met Kristen, Ben, Chris or Marissa. Now Ben and Kristen are running the “hell or somewhere similar” store after our tutelage and are having much success there. I have a gorgeous piece of art from Marissa, who I might never see again. Howard’s health problems may have reared their ugly head and forced us to move closer to adequate health care, but because of that, the company begged us to stay and offered to move us here because the store manager was transferring to another village. And we’re happy in here. As happy as we were in the Bering Sea village. We are proud to call this home. We feel the bad times are now behind us and we can perhaps settle in again.

It feels good to say that.

Oct 29


Searching for MONTHS for the perfect evening shoe to wear out on the town in Rome (where we’re going in January) and THEN finding that they don’t have my fucking size.

I mean, seriously. And all you girls just KNOW when you’ve found “the shoe”. Perfect heel, perfect color, just right with pants or a skirt, right?

Let’s not forget that I can’t just run to the mall to search for shoes either. I have to shop online, very VERY carefully.

So please feel sorry for me because honestly. I could seriously cry right now. I know that at least Maria will understand.

Oct 29

Because being friends with old boyfriends and love them as much as you did but in a completely platonic capacity? Completely rocks! This is for you.

Cool (performed by Gwen Stefani)

It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life...
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool
Oct 28

Is it me? Or am I getting more bitchy the older this blog gets? Also the profanity? What’s that all about? I used to be all “sh*t” and “f*ck”. Now it’s full on FUCK and SHIT. Is it the isolation? Am I still harboring some deep seeded resentment over the whole “Hell or somewhere similar” thing? Should I just give up the ghost and go back on the meds?

Hard to say, but sometimes I make myself blush lately. (in addition to my mom and stepdad who regularly read this)

Christ, I need to drink more.

Happy Friday everybody! I’m trying out the Grey Goose tonight because well, it’s been that kind of a week.

P.S. I think it’s just because Tess is on vacation and even though we don’t work in the same building? It’s a huge comfort knowing that I can just pick up the phone and bitch to her and she’ll understand what I’m going through.

P.S.S. I promise to write a chipper, sappy, gooey, mushy post sometimes next week….(if I don’t kill someone first)

Oct 27

Last night, about 30 minutes before closing, a kid about 14 came in and did some shopping and then decided after making his purchase, that he wanted to rent a movie. The movies which are on the opposite wall from the checkstands

After a few minutes he picked out the movie, I rang him up for it and then he looked at me and said “where’s my other stuff?”

I looked at him and said “you didn’t have it with you?”

He looked at me like he wanted me to wiggle my nose and make it appear and then said “uh..no.”

I replied that someone must have picked up his bags by accident. We all ran outside and tried to see who had just left but no one was there, and a nice lady even volunteered to walk up the street to see if she saw anyone walking with packages (remember we live in a small village, everyone walks or is at least close by). But we never found it. Then he looked at me like he didn’t know what to do, but I was thinking in my head..”No, I am NOT going to give away more freebies because he can’t keep up with his shit..” Right about that time, I noticed he’d left his dad’s debit card sitting on the counter and didn’t even realize it was there. I kindly brought it to his attention and in the nicest tone possible I said “honey, you probably should be a bit more careful with your dad’s card.”

He just stood there looking at me, wandering around with a confused look on his face, WAITING for me to fix his problem. (he’s painfully shy, I admit but GEEZ, the kid’s gotta learn to speak up for himself) Finally, I suggested he purchase the same exact items he just got so he could at least get home and maybe his dad wouldn’t be worried about him. I ALSO told him that if the person came back with the purchase, I’d hold it for him and he could pick it up the next day.

Well. Today, his father came in today all pissed off at ME for not giving them a replacement for their purchase FREE OF CHARGE. “WHEN I WORKED AT SAFEWAY…” he said. And then he said, “so I should have to pay for someone to steal my stuff?” and I looked back at him and said “you think we should?” I then reminded him that the only reason he got his debit card back was because I had to remind his son that he’d left it lying on the counter. I was a split second away from telling him that maybe he should be screaming at his poor, pitiful, dumbass son instead of yelling at me. I asked him if he thought I should be the one responsible for the person who took his son’s bag? He wasn’t sure what to say because he knew I was right. He also calmed down, and apologized for yelling. I then said it was only 14 dollars and if it upset him that much, that I’d take one for the team and refund his money. Then he began to feel really guilty and thanked me and went on with his shopping. Hopefully he got my point.

But I’m betting if I’d just given his son the free goods last night, he would have come in tonight, thanked me, then said something like “God, that kid’s gotta learn to be more responsible.”

So kids and parents? What did we learn today? Keep up with your shit. I’ll ring it up, bag it, even take it to your car. But if you just decide to leave your bags where they are and decide to take a chance and walk away from them? You’re on your own. It’ s NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO KEEP UP WITH YOUR SHIT!

It’s another if I SEE someone pick up your bag? But I WILL NOT stand guard because I have a store to run. Thank you.

Now I must go and watch Survivor on “The TV”.

Oct 26

I wasn’t going to post tonight, but I just saw this and it cracked me up. Sometimes the joke with the fewest words, is the best one. tee hee.

Gotta go, Howard and I actually shared a towel this morning because we’ve been neglecting laundry to sit in front of that damn tv.

Which is wonderful in all it’s flat, LCD glory…but damn. The laundry MUST be done.

Tell me you’ll miss me.

Oct 25

Not currently being in a depressed state, and while watching new 50″ LCD flat screen tv(more about that later), actually nodding off, I mean literally nodding off. Finally I gave up, looked over and Howard and announced that I was going to bed. I brushed my teeth and didn’t even feel up to washing my face (ewww). I was asleep as my head hit that pillow. Howard came in later and asked me if he could leave the lamp on so he could read, I whimpered a protest, flipped the comforter over my head and didn’t wake up until 7:30am this morning. And I felt rested and happy.

Sure it may sound like nothing to you, but to a girl who suffers from high anxiety, especially at night? In addition to being an insomniac? a girl who normally takes about two hours in bed to even begin to feel sleepy at night? that’s huge.

(By the way, please don’t email me ways to get to sleep. I’ve tried it all. Wine. Ambien. Melatonin. Warm Milk. Sex (which actually aggravates the insomnia). Meditation. Warm Bath. Soft music. You name it.)

So the occasional full night’s sleep is worth celebrating. Do a little happy dance for me please!

Oct 23

Howard convinced me that I really should just cough up the money, calm the hell down about work, and get on that plane with him bound for Anchorage for his doctor’s appt on Friday.

There were restaurants needing to be patronized, bookstores with new books waiting to bought, 5th Avenue mall had our parking place already reserved. Best Buy was all ready to buy our plane tickets! (not really, sarcasm, with which I hope all my readers understand, otherwise? Oh BOY, the things you must be thinking right now)…and credit cards just asking to be maxed.

Even my boss told me I was just stupid if I didn’t hop on that plane and get into town for a few days. Isn’t that funny? In the Real World, we say we’re going “out of town” when we leave for a trip. Here in the bush? We say we’re going “into town”.

But my new book keeper is VERY insecure about where she is as far as learning the office, and I think I make her even more nervous because I’m even more worried than she is! (which I try to hide with boosts of confidence and accolades, then go into the back and break things and cry.) (sarcasm there too…kinda) But my boss was all “she’ll sink or swim…go and HAVE FUN, that’s an order.”

Soooooooo, on Friday, I got on that plane and we spent two days spending money, seeing movies, and I only bought three items of clothing. Two new sleep shirts supporting Breast Cancer Awareness month, and a pretty new bra. I did try on several things but for some reason with which Howard and I are still trying to figure out, I was all “meh…I think I’ll wait”.

Best Buy was ready to shut down because we only bought three things. 2 DVDs and 1 CD. Which is a record for us. With every ounce of truth, I mean it when I say that when Howard and I hit Best Buy? We usually don’t come out unless we’ve spent a minimum of 300 dollars on CDs and movies. It’s all about finding something we like and throwing into the cart with a quick motion of the wrist. Keep in mind that we only go “into town” a few times a year. Stop shitting yourself, we don’t spend that on a weekly basis.

We didn’t even break the bank at Barnes and Noble, but we did spend a respectable amount, trust me. We finally decided to check out when Howard found me in the Biography section loaded down with books and I could barely see his face for the stack he was carrying of his own selections. His muffled voice behind the stack said merely “We gotta get out of here, I’ve already seen 10 other books I want…” So, we checked out and with our membership card, we eeked right under 200 dead presidents. We even hit a Wal-Mart last night and got out for about the same amount. But LORD, do I hate Wal-Mart. Especially Wal-Mart on a Saturday night. We must have been NUTS! I wish Anchorage had a Target. We did pick up some really cool Halloween decorations and I stocked up on hair dye and shampoo.

Howard and I are thinking that maybe we didn’t spend so much at other stores because we secretly wanted to buy some really good liquor and wine at the brand new “largest liquor store in Alaska”. Being we live in a wet village now, and we’re high funtioning alcoholics, we could go nuts! And we did. Grey Goose vodka, Chianti, some good Italian wines, Two Fingers tequila, some cordials like Triple Sec and Sloe Gin. Even got some Grenadine for good measure. You never know when you’re going to need to whip up a Singapore Sling. And it all fit into our luggage without going over the weight limit PLUS not one bottle was damaged in the trip home.

As far as movies we saw:

“The Exorcism of Emily Rose” which made me jump in some parts and we really liked it.

“In Her Shoes” which is my girl’s adaptation of her novel. And I LOVED it. Howard actually liked it too.

“A History of Violence” which was good throughout but left us frustrated at the ending. (the sex scenes weren’t as hot as they were hyped up to be either)

So the credit cards had minimal damage, my boobs look really good in my new bra, and Howard and I can now get drunk off the good shit.

Oh and I am now running around the house singing along to D.H.T.’S new cover album. Especially the song “Listen to your Heart”. It is driving Howard nuts. Life is good.

Oct 19

This morning, my fingers were kind of swollen, so I opted out of wearing my wide wedding band and just wore my engagement ring instead.

I must have gotten hit on 5 different times.

But the worse line was this one:

“Hey how ya doin?”

“Good and you?”

“Pretty Good”

“Well you’re definitely pretty but I wouldn’t know about the Good part”

He followed that line with a self-satisfied grin, and nodded his head at me like he was waiting for me to blush or either flirt back.

It was so lame, I couldn’t resist an annoyed eyeroll, which didn’t really amuse him. And I didn’t care.

But I was intrigued by how these men KNOW I’m married but assume that just because I don’t wear my wedding band, that I’m suddenly available, AND apparantly ready to dive right back into the dating pool. Nevermind the rock on my finger…and the fact that my husband works there too, the morons.

Not that it isn’t flattering…I mean, I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t, but today? I just wasn’t in the mood. And that’s saying a lot being as I’m one of the biggest flirts on the planet. (I said “flirt” not “slut” so stop judging and making assumptions)

By the time the last guy said something about my pretty blue eyes, I didn’t even acknowledge him. Just gave him his change and walked away laughing at his lameness.

And I’m aware that when I’m old and shriveled, I’ll be kicking myself for not enjoying all the attention.

But tomorrow? swollen fingers or not, the wedding band stays on.

Oct 18


Okay, he’s SERIOUS about this whole plane notion. While I think it is exciting? I’m wondering if we’re going to be endentured to the government by the time we’re done with all this. So ya’ll tell me what you think? No, we haven’t bought anything…YET. But we’re already looking into financing.

I guess if we become homeless, we’ll just live in it….

Someone please talk some sense into us….FAST!

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