I can sit here and blame my slackdom on the power outtage and loss of internet and though that did actually happen again, that’s not the entire reason why I’ve been gone. I’ve just felt really bluesy and really clingy towards Howard.
Mainly because I’m still really shaken by James’ death. I didn’t think it would affect me this much but I’ve found myself bursting into tears at random places and times. In the bathroom, in the shower, while washing dishes, lying in bed at night. And it’s not an inkling of the pain that Sharon and James and the entire Ishnook family is feeling. But I find myself crying for each one of them and crying for James. Wishing I could turn back the clock and somehow warn all of them. Take little James into my arms and tell him how much he was really loved. But I can’t….and so I cry, and the pain lessens just a bit. Howard has been very tender with me too. Not that he isn’t anyway, but just extra TLC, like pulling me into his lap when I burst into tears while eating dinner and rolling over and pulling me to his side of the bed when he hears me crying at night and he doesn’t say anything. Just lets me feel it. But again, for as many tears as I’ve shed, it will never be near the tears of his family.
On a happier note, Howard and I were recruited by the radio station to do a voice over! It went something like “Hey, this is Chris with (my company’s name) in McGrath, and you’re listening to KSKO 870 AM, serving the interior of Alaska”. Howard did the exact same thing, except of course with his name. We were laughing at how funny it would have been if we’d said “Hey ya’ll!” And you all know that would have been hilarious.
Also, how happy am I that Survivor and The Amazing Race is back on? Pretty fucking happy, let me tell you. But the Paolo family needs to go, and mom needs to get another family. If I EVER talked to my mother that way? She’d have been all “Hell no, stop the damn car NOW, I don’t give a damn if this is a race, you little brat, your ass is grass!” And she’d have been right! Good lord, I might be a potty mouth but you don’t see me talkin’ to my elders like that. Especially someone like my mother. And if you ever met her and felt her wrath, you’d understand. So kids? Talking to your mom like she’s a piece of shit, doesn’t look cool at all. In fact, I’m betting that 99.9 percent of the ladies think it’s a turnoff. Myself included. Selfish, spoiled little fuckers.
Also, I’m totally into the new HBO series, Rome. Oh my GOD, the eye candy.
I’ve also just started Season 4 of SFU. Deep down that’s probably another reason why I cry a lot lately. Not really. At least I hope not.
I also bought a bunch of new books that I’ll never get to read but will surely make me look like I have some sort of intellect by simply adorning my shelf.
Gotta go, I’ve lots of netsurfing to make up for. And to all of you who sent emails and to Karyn and Heather who left comments about James, thank you all so much for your sweet words.