Aug 20

What? You thought I was just doing this corny shit cause I was depressed up in Nuiqsut? Not so! I’m corny like this all the time. You don’t like it? Leave! (not really, I need all the readers I can get)

Anyway, while cleaning the house this morning, I heard this song and though I’m not into the singer’s music that much, this song reminded me of myself. Enjoy!

Breakaway (recorded by Kelly Clarkson)

Grew up a small town
and when the rain would fall down
I’d just stare out my window
Dreamin’ of what could be
And if I’d end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
but when I tried to speak out
felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

I’ll spread my wings
and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes
Till I touch the sky
And I’ll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away
Out of the darkness and into the sun
but I won’t forget all the ones that I love
I’ll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away

Want to feel the warm breeze
sleep under a palm tree
feel the rush of the ocean
get on board a fast train
travel on a jet plane
far away and break away

I’ll spread my wings
and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes
Till I touch the sky
And I’ll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away
Out of the darkness and into the sun
but I won’t forget all the ones that I love
I’ll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away.

Buildings with a hundred floors
swinging round revolving doors
maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me but
gotta keep movin’ on, movin’ on
fly away break away

I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly
though it’s not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
and break away
Out of the darkness and into the sun
but I won’t forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
and break away.

Aug 19

Apparantly I didn’t know that a person can “acquire an allergy”. Did you know this? I must have missed another memo. Howard and I had a ten minute conversation on the subject and believe me, he would know about allergies. His mother tells horror stories about Howard and his brothers and how they were allergic to things like peanut butter and eggs when they were kids and how she had to line them up in the bathtub and give them their shots and would cry because she had to do it.

My point being, I think I’m now allergic to mosquitos. About three days ago, I swatted one off my ankle just as he sank his teeth into my flesh. Well I got a nasty bite and it itched and usually by the next day, the bites are gone.


By Wednesday night, my left ankle was so swollen that I could barely walk on it. It looked gross. I looked like I had a “cankle” instead of an ankle. I elevated it and Howard put ice packs on it throughout the evening and by Thursday morning, the swelling had gone down enough for me to tolerate putting on my sneakers and walking on it. But last night, it flaired up again and the bite itself still looks red and inflamed AND NOW I have another identical mosquito bite on the front of my ankle on my RIGHT leg. And now IT is swelling and making my walking life miserable. So apparantly I am allergic even though I’ve never been allergic to anything in my life, ever.

On a good note, Howard and I decided Rome would be our next “big trip” and I booked it last night, after trying to decide on hotels. God that was tough and of course one bad review on Expedia just really confuses me. But after about an hour, we decided and WOOO we’re going to Italy in January!

We also had two gorgeous clear days but yesterday the wildfires decided they hadn’t burned quite enough and the huge smoke clouds came back and my lungs are protesting, of course. But fuck it, I’m not complaining. We could be in Nuiqsut where the mosquitos are half my size and could easily carry me away. Hell they’d probably eat my whole leg instead of leaving a nasty bite.

Speaking of Nuiqsut, Kristen and Ben are doing well there and yes dammit we still miss them.

Also where the hell did 2005 go? It’s only four months until Christmas already!

Does everyone realize that we’ve moved 4 times in 2.5 years? GEE-ZUS! Well let me tell you, this is our last stop for a while. I think if I have to pack or unpack another friggin’ box, I’ll surely have a psychotic episode. And we all know how those can be.

Aug 15

Lordy Ya’ll. Guess what???? We have a library here!!! Howard and I nearly fainted when we walked in. I wanted to drop to the floor and just roll around a bit, rub myself in the carpet, clutching “The Canterbury Tales” but refrained. It was hard though.

I ended up checking out two non-fiction books because for some reason, that’s what I’m really into right now. Fiction is just not doing it for me. I don’t know why.

But A library! Woo!! I’m pretty impressed with the selection too. For a small bush library, it’s pretty broad.

I do have one complaint (gasp!) about McGrath though. We are surrounded by wildfires (which are a normal occurance this time of year and very controlled usually) and the village is shrouded in smoke. It smells mostly like a campfire and I like campfires but this is getting f*cking ridiculous. I haven’t had any quality “deck” time since Saturday night and I probably couldn’t have stood it then but I was drunk on Coronas and smoking a Cigar. Speaking of smoking we hear this a lot from customers when they walk in the door:

“God, the smoke is terrible today! Hey, can you give me two packs of Winston’s?”

I just smirk and then later Howard and laugh about it.

I’m so glad he’s as snarky as me. Otherwise he’d be NO fun.

So I’m off to start my new library books! The Joy!

Aug 14

About a month ago back in Nuiqsut, we had our usual Saturday night “get-together” with Marissa, Chris, Ben and Kristen and okay, there might have been a little bit of smuggled wine, because it was going to be our last “Saturday night get-together” with the four of them. So anyway, Marissa likes cigars and when she first told me, I was completely grossed out because ewwww. However, later on after more wine, they decided to light up and I decided to join in.

Well. Let me tell you. I now smoke cigars.

Did I mention that I quit smoking almost ten years ago? And I know that Cigars aren’t a good substitute for cigs but I can honestly take 4 good tokes and be done. It will take me a whole week to finish one cigar. And I mainly smoke them when I’m drinking (when the craving for nicotine is its worst) and that’s usually on the weekends. And the best part? Howard can somehow live with that better than my going back to cigarettes. I guess because last night when we were sitting outside drinking beer and I was smoking my stogie, he revealed that he used to smoke cigars way back in Infantry school. And pot? Let’s please not call the kettle black, mmmmkay?

I’ve found I like the smaller ones though, my hands are just too small to hold those big fatties without looking like a dork, so I’ve switched to Perfectos which fit quite nicely. 5 come in a pack so that should last me 5 weeks. 5 weeks vs. smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.

None of it is healthy, I know, but neither are Coronas but hey at least I have those with a lime and you can’t go wrong with fruit right? *g*

Aug 12

Is it me, or is everyone pregnant right now?

I mean, she’s pregnant, she’s pregnant and she’s pregnant.

Oh and my first cousin is pregnant AND a friend from high school is pregnant. AND they’re all due sometime either in September or October. Not that I’m knocking it. This all stems from jealousy I admit. I crave a child though I have worked through those feelings of bitterness at other pregnant women, because if I ever get pregnant? You’d better believe I’ll be blogging about it everyday too. And most of these women have had problems just like I have with getting there and I wish them all the happiness in the world. I really mean that.

But what? was it something in the water? Did I miss the memo that said December to February was my window? That Howard and I should have been doing more of the “Bone-chicka-now-now?” I mean we do it plenty now but shit, it would have been nice if someone would have told me to get out my Basal body thermometer and chang Howard’s underwear from boxer briefs to boxers (not that I change his underwear for him, mind you).

Not that it would have mattered because HELLO, when in the hell would I even have time for a baby living here in the bush? I mean, I’d have to go breastfeed with one arm and ring up customers with the other arm. It would be too much right now and I’m probably cursing myself but I think…oh my God….I never though the day would come…but pregnancy is a bad idea right now.

No, I am not drunk. Though after making that statement, I may have just cursed myself for life.

I can just hear God saying: “OH really? You wanted a child? Well I was just about to bless you but what’s that? Not a good time? Well then up yours, ungrateful child, see if I care.”

Aug 12

I was just emailing my friend(who by the way has a big licensing exam today and is leaving for Texas next week to go BACK to Iraq, Lord yes, this is awful because I love this friend sooo very much and am like scared shitless for him and all so please send good karma and prayers his way) and casually mentioned that I did this whole hardware install this morning.

Casually mentioned.


Let me tell you, when it comes to computer hardware, I am inept as they come and anything but casual. I mean, I can barely navigate my email and this here blogger thing.

But by God in Heaven I did it this morning. I had a little tech guy (well who knows if he’s little) on the phone walking me through the whole thing and we were done in like 20 minutes.

20. Minutes.

That’s damn near a miracle. Especially when he told me, that scarily enough, a lot of installs were taking like up to an hour and a half because people were so incompetent.

More incompetent than me and they are running stores in Alaska and Canada? Life surely is weird.

I’m so proud of myself that I’m going to try and take the rest of the day off! Yay me.

Aug 9

While lying in bed last night on our new sheets, our new goose-down pillows and underneath our new goose-down comforter

Howard: “How much did you say the sheets cost?”

Me: “$150 on Overstock dot com”

Howard: “And how much were the pillows?”

Me: “$99 a piece on Overstock dot com”

Howard: “And how much was the comforter?”

Me: “$200 from The Company Store, why are you asking me this? I told you I was going to invest in some good bedding, you knew full well how much it was going to cost”

Howard: “I’m just thinking how much of that could have gone to a new canoe”

Me: “And I’m just thinking of how much I’d have to hear you whine if you slept on anything less than 1000 thread count.”

Howard: “And I’m just thinking of how much fun it’s going to be to push your ass out of that canoe once I get it.”

Aug 8

Ya’ll I’m sorry but I do LOOOVE the show.

And for the record, I cried quietly during the entire episode. Howard sat next to me and held my hand then remarked afterwards, “God I feel like I’m comforting you for a the loss of a family member.” I just laughed and sniffed and continued to watch and cry.

They just do NOT make TV that good, very often.

I love this show because it ISN’T like anything else on television and because it does make viewers uncomfortable with the subject matter. It truly is “Groundbreaking television”. I will mourn its loss.

However, Season 1 on DVD just arrived in my mailbox today so I get to relive all the episodes once the series finale has ended.

Also, I like the idea of a “Green funeral”. I used to think I wanted to be cremated and scattered atop Hibriten Mountain (in North Carolina) and in Wilson’s Creek (also in NC) but I don’t know…I’m open to it.

Aug 7

Sooooooo, I’m sure you’ve all been sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for some news as to where the hell I’ve been and what the hell I’ve been up to right? (aside from the random rambles of the past few days)

Well okay, and don’t expect details here because well, you all know how lazy I can be. And dammit I’m tired.

Everyone knows by now, that we’re out of Nuiqsut, and have been going nonstop pretty much since then.

There were a lot of personal issues surrounding the move, issues I don’t really want to bore anyone with, but issues that were far from boring to us. We basically tendered our resignation with the company, there was an uncertain period in between, they surprised us with an offer to move to McGrath and voila! Here we are!

And let me just say…McGrath is beautiful! It’s about 230 airmiles from Anchorage and about the same distance from Fairbanks. We’re still in the bush and still running a store for the company. We’ve had nothing but good feelings since we got here and it’s as if a huge load has been lifted personally. The company really redeemed themselves in regards to that whole “forced” transfer back in February. I don’t think Howard and I really ever got past it until they gave us this offer.

Anywho, back to McGrath. There are actually trees here! And green grass!! Our house is nice and has a beautiful landscaped yard and best of all? IT’s WET!!! Yes folks WET as in ALCOHOL IS COMPLETELY LEGAL HERE!!!! WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In fact, we sell it at the store. Somedays I just go in there, rub up against the coolers and thank the good Lord there is such a thing. Sad? No doubt, but you live in two different dry villages and you’ll feel the same way. Also? We have high speed internet access again, which means I can finally upload pictures again without it taking me half a damn lifetime.

I will say though, in spite of this move, that it is odd and a little boring working without Kristen and Ben there to work with but they took over the Nuiqsut store and we hope that our tutelage does them well. We told them not to make us look bad! Wish them luck, they are the first couple we trained. They are bright and smart though and won’t let us down but boy do we miss them. It’s not everyday you can become genuine friends with your co-workers but they made our time in Nuiqsut so much fun and we formed a strong bond.

The only downfall to being here is we’re open 7 days a week, so no more Sundays off, but you know? It doesn’t feel like work most days. The people here are awesome and have more than made us feel welcome in their little community. And we’re only open from 12-4 on Sundays and I just hired a new bookkeeper so once I get her trained, Howard and I plan on taking Sundays off together. That’s a few weeks down the road though so for now, we’re taking time off just whenever there is a chance. I was lucky enough to be off yesterday with the exception of going in, doing the books and then coming back to help Howard close. But like I said, it really doesn’t feel like work. I haven’t felt that way in a long time.

As far as my depression? I still have my bad days but they are far fewer now that our situation is much better. There is much to be grateful for.

So, that’s what’s up, you can all stop wringing your hands and gnashing your teeth.

Aug 6


Part Expert Kisser

You’re a kissing pro, but it’s all about quality and not quantity
You’ve perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone’s socks off
And you’re adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

Part Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges
If someone’s hot, you’ll go in for the kiss - end of story
You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses
A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

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