Yesterday at work, in spite of my “new attitude” and motivation, I had this nagging headache, that I knew for sure, would cause major psychosis (ie: reaching over the counter and bitchslapping mean customers) if I didn’t take something and fast.
Don’t ask me why, when I’ve been living in the bush for two and half years, I would balk at the price of Tylenol on our shelf, but by god, I surely did. I then went in search of something in our haphazardly thrown together First Aid Kit, you know, something free and would take care of headaches.
The only thing I found was a lone bottle of Pamprin. Now, we all know that Pamprin’s plug is that it does wonders for Menstrual cramps (dude, did I just say menstrual?). Being without cramps but much head ache, I read the indication: “Uses for the temporary relief of these symptoms associated with menstrual periods: cramps, headaches, bloating, backaches, water weight gain, muscular aches, irritability.”
I figure this here Pamprin should do the job and promptly down two “as directed” and pray that they kick in fast.
20 minutes later, they kicked in. And kept on kicking. Let me just say right now. I haven’t felt that high in a looong time. When I had a penchant for things like Vicoden, Purcoset, Darvoset, etc. (which I don’t now, so calm down) I was stoned, ya’ll. I don’t know any other way to put it. I was also VERY uncomfortable, because I was WORKING! WITH THE GENERAL PUBLIC! CASHING BIG PAYROLL CHECKS! COUNTING MONEY! Not to mention the fact that I haven’t been stoned in a VERY VERY long time.
I was also very paranoid. I confided to Howard that I was “stoned out of my mind”, and he just laughed at me before doing a double take and saying “Holy shit, really?”
“Um no brainchild, I just say random things like that all the time.”
I went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face and went back to work, trying to act sober (second to childbirth, I don’t think there is anything more physically challenging than trying to act sober). Kristen, one half of the couple we are training, asked if I was feeling okay and I then confided to her about the effects of Pamprin. She laughed and looked sympathetic then asked “hey, I think I need a couple myself.” I, being my paranoid self said “NO! We only need one stoner here today.” to which she replied “Chris, I was kidding.”
Pamprin ya’ll. And I promise the two pills I took had “PAMPRIN” clearly marked on them. Might I remind you this is also an OTC drug? Maybe it’s just me. If that is the case? Keep the Pamprin far far from me.