..and don’t panic, this isn’t the “mother of all blogs”. I just had to jump on here and share with you, the events of my day. Jesus mother of God, I have the worst luck.
So this morning started out particularly well, Howard and I both in affectionate and uplifted moods, in spite of being in this bleak, flat, cold as an em-effer place. We were laughing, jovial, smooching in the kitchen before we walked outside to go to work. It was fabulous, I’ll tell you. Nearly nirvana…
Until we walked outside and noticed our snowmachine had been moved. Not only moved but apparantly taken for a damn joyride. The fresh tracks were in the yard and the ignition switch had been stripped. I saw red. There was no “slow rising of emotions”. Just went from sane to psycho in a split second. Had myself a little psychotic episode right there in the damn yard and I didn’t give a flying f*ck who saw me. Well it wasn’t long after that, a neighbor came walking into our yard and told us they saw a kid trying to steal it last night.
Hold on a second.
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Yeah. I wanted to continue my rant and frankly short of Howard actually grabbing me and clamping a firm hand over my mouth, I don’t exactly know what divine power kept me from screaming at the man…
“YOU SAW HIM TRYING TO STEAL IT AND IT DIDN’T OCCUR TO YOU TO NOTIFY US?”
..but I didn’t…maybe I was just too shocked to say anything. Left speechless, I guess.
So, we go on to work, call the police, file the report and offer a reward. I don’t have to tell you that once money is involved, sadly, a lot of people will sell their own mother for a piece of the pie and within an hour, I had an overwhelming lead. We even hit the jackpot when said lead walked into the store….Howard and I walked him outside and flat out confronted him.
Let me just say right now. Howard f*cking amazes me. That man can keep his cool and get a confession out of anyone…he should have gone on to law school like he planned. The young man denied it at first but before long Howard had him spilling his guts with absolutely no intimidation whatsoever. Just sort of did the whole “good cop” routine on him. Had it been me? Well I’d be sitting over the police station right now too.
So yeah I know the kid returned the machine and there was no real damage but don’t steal from me. I can take just about anything else but that. This would have been a good day to get drunk but it’s dry here too. It’s a friggin’ paradise here, ya’ll. A friggin’ paradise.
More later, I’m going to go snuggle with Howard. All that cop shit and kissing this morning really did me in and I’m all stressed out so see ya on Sunday.