Jan 30

Before you adjust your eyes or screen, yes it is me. Your Chris. Well not necessarily your Chris, unless of course there is money involved. Because I love me some money.

So, yes the vacation is halfway over and I am sad. Even though I do miss my dog, my inner bitch, you know the selfish one?…is coming up with all kinds of excuses not to come back to work. Even though I love my dog. and my cat. and Alaska.

A lot of people feel refreshed when coming off vacation or at least that´s what I´m told, and my boss is certainly hoping this lengthy vacation will do just that, but I gotta tell you, and maybe it´s that bottle of wine talking but I know for a fact, when we come back from vacation? We´re going to be depressed. There. I said it. We will not want to come back to work. Trust me. I mean, here I sit in Buenos Aires, having just consumed mass quantities of Argentine food and a wonderful bottle of wine, We´re staying at a 5 star hotel where we are treated like royalty,(I´m talking mints on the pillows, gentle knocks at our door at random, asking us if we need or want anything, it´s that good), and the weather here is phenomenal. Plus, nothing on TV is censored and I love that. I just effing love it. And they want me to feel refreshed and rejuventated? Yeah, I´ll feel just good enough to want to leave again right away! I mean, honestly people, who goes on a fabulous vacation and says things like ¨Gee golly, it´ll be great to be back home?¨ Not me, I´m telling you, if there was a way that I could just ship the dog and cat to Buenos Aires and live here forever in this hotel, I would.

Refreshed? Yeah I feel refreshed, now get me another bottle of wine and give me another massage. The only thing that will feel refreshed after this vacation will be my liver. HA!

Jan 28

DIET CHERRY VANILLA DR. PEPPER: YUM!*

*Dr. is considered a word right?

Brought to you by guest authorAMY

Jan 26

Hello there my fair rambling readers…this is not your Chris…but it is not your Tess either. My name is Amy and you can find me over at my regular hauntBadGroove. So let me start by saying: HOWDY ALL!!!!

Next order of business in this post: SURVIVOR.

I am an addict of SURVIVOR. I have faithfully watched the show since the very first season. I am the first to admit that this last season…well it kind of sucked. None the less, I am looking forward with great abandon to SURVIVOR 10: PALAU. Yet another tropical island location. Personally…I am sick of the tropical island location. Take survivor back to different locations…like Africa or Autralia. Or how about new locations: Survivor Siberia, Survivor Antartica, Survivor Greenland…you get the idea… ixnay the tropical island locale.

Brought to you by Your Guest Author: Amy

Jan 25

Hello, Unidentified People!

I just thought I’d let you know that I received another e-mail from Chris! She was unhappily sober and writing from the library to tell me that a) she was unhappily sober, b) she was not intending to remain sober, and c) she was off to get a flu shot and a bottle of wine, at which point she would proceed with the plan of remaining perpetually inebriated throughout the course of her sojourn beyond Alaska’s great boundaries and, therefore, becoming un-sober as soon as humanly possible. You gotta love a girl with ambition!

She also said that she adored me. And she wasn’t even drunk. I’d say that’s an enormous plus.

Tess

Jan 20

Some of you may remember that Chris guest-posted for me back in October when I went to New York and lost my heart to the place. She did an excellent job, and one of her posts surrounded her pet peeves. I thought it was an excellent idea and, because I’m dealing with many of my pet peeves on a daily basis, I thought I would return the favor:

1) W-2 Issues
Because, legally, we have until January 31st to get the W-2s postmarked and in the mail, I get highly irritated when I start receiving calls on the 2nd. If they aren’t asking for their W-2s already, they want to change their address despite the three months of campaigning I just finished up telling them that they had to get all changes in by the end of the calendar year. I finally put my phone on voicemail only this morning after the tenth phone call, even though I mailed them on the 13th. (Chris, if you call? The message is a work of genius! I didn’t even sound pissed off!)

2) Stereos
I am always conscious of how loud my stereo is. It comes from years of working in a cube farm prior to my current office digs, and from living in apartments with paper-thin walls and inconsiderate neighbors. So when the new stereo next door is placed right next to my wall and the bass turned up, I get just a tiny bit miffed, especially when the walls are visibly shaking as a result. I also can’t stand it when the cars pull up next to me with the radio so loud that my windows rattle and my radio is drowned out. Stupid stereos.

3) “I know you’re busy, but….”
Because that “But” always means “I want you to drop everything that you are doing and help me with my issues right this very second!” and, most likely, it will require lengthy research and complicated corrections while the work that I was doing prior to the interruption goes undone.

4) Even though I’m sitting right at my desk, taking all of my mail and faxes (when the fax machine is sitting right there outside of my office) and taking them out the door and down the hall to my mailbox instead of handing them to me.
Usually this implies that whoever is doing the taking is angry at me. Which is cool, it’s just…HELLO! Here I am! Two steps away! Right?

5) Parking Idjits
Granted, ice and snow abound which obscures the little yellow lines that demarcate the parking spaces. I get that. However, what I cannot stand is when people don’t adhere to normal parking rules, such as leaving enough space in between their cars for, perhaps, a Yugo, but nowhere near enough space for normal-sized cars and trucks.

6) Shopping Carts
I hate it when slow, plodding shoppers will block the entire aisle with their carts, sometimes just one cart, sometimes two, but always on whichever aisle I need to traverse, and right in front of whichever bit of merchandise I happen to be looking for.

7) Getting a new towel each time you so much as wipe your hands on one
Because hey - who does the laundry around here? Yeah. That’s right.

8) Leaving your dirty clothes and towels on the bathroom floor
The hamper is right outside in the hallway. Use it, damn it! GAH!

9) Leaving dishes where they will
Same concept - the apartment isn’t so big that you’d actually burn off calories to leave the dishes in the sink, you know? I’m still missing a full-sized plate and my step-son’s favorite glass, and I’m betting he’s got it in his room, most likely shoved beneath the bed from the last cleaning frenzy. (However, as he just turned fifteen, I’m trying to show him that I respect him as a near-adult, and I will not enter his room without permission, nor will I clean his room for him and, thusly, I am serving the missing plates beneath his bed as an object lesson. I fear, however, that should anything mold he wouldn’t notice the smell of it over the general stank of teenagerhood….)

* And, as was noted in her guest-post for me, none of this has anything to do with Chris; she is a stellar co-worker!

Jan 18

Hello, all of Chris’ friends and readers that aren’t me!

I’ve been letting my duties as guest-poster slide in the last week or two, something that was brought to my attention by the receipt of a gleefully drunken e-mail from Herself this past Saturday, the first of what I hope is many! (The girl can write her some e-mail, can’t she?)

I’m Tess. We work together although not in the same city, and I have to tell you, I do so miss Herself now that she’s gone for an entire month. I love being able to just pick up the phone and give her a shout; hearing the accent is enough to buoy my spirits, but the fact that she is so cool helps even more!

Amy from Bad Groove will also be guest-posting, but she will be using my account, as something fouled up in the invite process and she did not receive access as Chris had intended. She’s an excellent guest-poster, and I’m sure that those of you who have not quit the blog until Chris comes home will not be disappointed in her leavings!

In any case, since I can’t just pick up the phone and call her anymore, I’m spending my initial post letting her know the little things that I made mental notes to tell her in these past few weeks before realizing that the communication, it would be more or less cut off, and hope that she checks in here every once in a great while. In between drinks. And sending me drunken e-mails. And I so hope she takes pictures, too!

Chris, I had a stalker at Best Buy the other day, no joke! I wasn’t wearing blue so there was no way that he could have mistaken me for an employee, and I wasn’t wearing The Magic Sweater(tm), so he hadn’t gotten trapped in the “I’m so freakin’ H-O-T-T!” field that The Magic Sweater(tm) seems to throw out, but he followed me around the store, two circuits, only working from the opposite direction so that he’d meet me at each intersection. It was kind of scary-in-a-harmless-sort-of-way, especially since the friend that I was with kept whispering, “Stalker! Two o’clock!” which means that she noticed him, too. We did, however, give him the slip when an actual employee accosted him while he was in front of the 72″ plasma screens, which (to the best of my knowledge) is the only way in which a Best Buy employee has ever bothered to help me.

Oh, and The Magic Sweater(tm)? I am fully convinced after this past weekend that it’s the best $2.99 I’ve ever spent. I’m just sayin’….

I’ve also come to the realization that we’ve reached the end of 2004 and gone beyond it, and not once did I get served with jury duty! Wooooo! I’ve been called the week after my grace period expired every single time since I turned eighteen years old! This is the first time it’s ever happened, and I am totally utterly stoked! Of course, now that I’ve mentioned it and crowed so blatantly in the face of the gods, I’m sure I’ll get a notice on it next week or something, but still…the pattern has been broken, so there’s hope of never having to serve on a jury again!

And that’s it for now, but I’ll certainly keep you guys posted whenever I hear from her again. (I would have done so now, except that all I really know is that she’s enjoying being back in NC with her friends and family, she misses her dog, and she’s had too many beers to really keep track of.)

Be back soon-
Tess

PS: I miss Howard, too.

Jan 10

Well, I’d hoped to post one last lengthy ramble but my computer is near death. A virus has attacked my hard drive and I am going to have re-install my entire operating system. Ugh, I know. So, my last bit of free time will be saving all my information to disk and packing and freaking out and rushing around trying to get all my affairs in order so that Mark, the relief manager, won’t be left holding the bag with things at the store.
I am currently writing this through the “safe” mode of my computer so. HELLO! Big em-effing screen, but hey my presbyopic eyes don’t mind at all. lol
So while I’m gone, I probably won’t be near a computer much so this may be my last post for a while. I had several volunteers to “guest” ramble but I frankly don’t think I’ll have time to get it all set up. Waaaah. And “face lift”for this here blog is going to have to wait until after vacation as well. Waaah. Just not enough hours in a day, ya know?
Well, I must be going, I have to get back to freaking out and packing.
Much Love, Peace and Harmony to you. (Some of you, I’ll see in a just a few days!)
See you on the flip side!

Jan 7

…long ago, my grandfather coined me as “the quirky one”. “The one who walked to the beat of her own drum.” It was meant as a term of endearment; he loved the fact the he could get me to try anything, was interested in what he had to say, funny, useless information and loved to quiz me to make sure I remembered it.
Today as I was working, our “Mamas and The Papas” cd was blasting on the stereo and I was humming and jamming along to it in my head. (They so f*cking rock, don’t they?) “Make Your Own Kind of Music” came on and as I sang the lyrics in my head, I choked up and physically ached for the sight of my grandfather. Because I knew, he’d appreciate it and it was almost exactly what he’s told me all my life. “Do what is good for Chris, what makes Chris happy, you can’t worry about what everyone thinks or says”.
So, without further ado…for all you “oddballs, nutcases, loose screws, etc”, I dedicate this song to you:

“Nobody can tell you
There’s only one song worth singing
They may try and sell you
Cause it hangs them up
To see someone like you

You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind music
Even if nobody else sings along

It can be nowhere
The loneliest kind of lonely
It may be lonely
‘Cause to do your thing’s the hardest things to do

You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind music
Even if nobody else sings along

And if you will not take my hand
Then I must be going, I’ll understand
You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind music
Even if nobody else sings along

You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind music
Even if nobody else sings along

You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind music
Even if nobody else sings along

No no no no
Even if nobody else sings along
If nobody else sings along”

Jan 6

Alas! I will not have to wait for my vacation to eat sushi. Melanya is making it tonight!! Her dad and sister arrived yesterday and came bearing lots of yummy food, of which we enjoyed part of last night and are invited back tonight for an encore presentation. We, of course, are providing the salmon. mmmmmmm. I am so excited.

Her dad and sister are the coolest. And they like hugs, which is, of course, very much our style.

And they came allll this way to see to see Melanya and Alex. Who rocks?

Jan 5

Apparantly today is “De-Lurking” day for blogs. Meaning, if you visit this blog, please leave a comment and introduce yourself and if you’re a friend or acquaintance, leave a comment! It will make me feel special, I promise. Family? No excuses, I’m flying all over the country to visit you next week. Don’t make me cancel my vacation!

And by the way, I’m extremely upset that my favorite team of the Amazing Race 6 was eliminated last night. I actually got teary eyed. Yes. I said that. So sue me. Now I have to pick a new “favorite” team to root for.

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