random rambles of insanity

..because I have lots of time on my hands and because I am insane.

“Things I plan to do on my much needed vacation”

-Get Drunk

-Go to a tanning salon. Shut Up. I am not going to Buenos Aires at the warmest time of their season looking all pasty and gross. Skin cancer be damned.

-Will flaunt new Chanel purse.

-Get Drunk

-Shop at Wal-Mart because I can.

-Shop at expensive, snooty high end department stores because I can.

-Eat sushi

-Eat out a lot just because I can.

-Get Drunk

-Feel guilty about leaving cat and dog for entire month.

-Will call every other day to check on dog and cat, and will ask very little about how the store is doing.

-Will post drunk posts via laptop.

-Will send drunken emails as well.

-Get Drunk

-Will run around like mad crazy lady trying to visit everyone, nevermind that WE are the ones who came 3000 miles across the country.

-Will do girly things with best girl Julie and get drunk!

-Eat waaaaay too much.

-Go skiing, fall down too much, will retreat to lodge and get drunk and laugh at all the clumsiness.

-Allow grandmother to spoil me, as she always does.

-Will visit grandfather’s grave and talk to him. Will weep much and get pissed that he’s not here to welcome me back.

-Will get drunk because of extreme sadness at grandfather’s absence.

-Will see everyone we know at Wal-Mart and explain well over a 100 times how we came to live in Alaska.

-Will visit foreign country and rely heavily on Howard’s Spanish because I have been one slack bitch though he has shoved tapes and book in my face at least once a day.

-Will dress in skimpy slutty clothes because it is hot in Buenos Aires in January and like no one there will ever see me again, much less care.

-Will raid the mini-bar in our room and bitch about the bill later.

-Will flirt with hot latin men and take a tango lesson just so I can rub up against some of them shamelessly.

-Will think Howard gives a damn, meanwhile he’s in a corner fighting off all the latin women.

-Will dive headfirst into Argentine steak.

-Go horseback riding even in 90 degree heat and humidity.

-Visit Eva Peron’s grave.

-Go to museums.

-Go to Las Vegas and see Howard’s dad who luckily has not disowned us for not coming to see him in so long.

-Will meet new members of the family.

-Get drunk.

-Go to champagne buffets and will wear “fat jeans” so I won’t be able to tell that I’ve gained 15 lbs in a damn week.

-Gamble just to get free booze.

-Will spend money at the forum shops at Caesar’s.

-Will brunch at the Bellagio and ooooh and aaaaaaah at their million dollar chandalier of blown glass made to look like pansies.

-Lose way too much money gambling.

-Drive to Death Valley and see the Hoover Dam again.

-Pray that our layover back to Anchorage is long enough to see my other best girl, Jen.

-Will be very hungover and won’t be able to think about alcohol until my next vacation.

“What I got for Christmas”

-Three beautiful handmade native dolls from Howard
-Another handmade doll from dollmaker of other three dolls
-Chanel handbag
-Hand knitted Christmas ornament from Melanya
-Hand knitted pot holder with SMK 2004 emblazoned on the front from Melanya.
-Scented candle that smells like Egg Nog and causes my mouth to water.

Handmade anything is huge to me and is worth way more than Chanel purse (though I love it!), the sentiment and love that went into it is priceless. I have awesome friends and family.

The rest of the gifts I will post after vacation because we are going to celebrate Christmas and exchange gifts with the family when we arrive in NC.

….oh yeah and we now have water!!!!!!!!!! Woo HOO! I’ll consider that a Christmas present from the administrators of our village.



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