The power of “Dew”

This morning I had a mild psychotic episode (as oxymoronic as that sounds right?)

I got a call from the stores accountant telling me that my books were something like 5000 bucks short. Always being in a panic about money and its huge liability that falls solely on my shoulders, I went to pieces.

I ran a report from my computer and it stated we were only a couple of bucks off. Nonetheless, I was convinced I was fired and started to hyperventilate and started calculating in my head how much exactly we had in our savings account and how much Expedia would charge us to cancel the trip to Buenos Aires. Vented to Howard who thought I was nuts, but humored me by saying “F*ck ‘em baby, we’ll pack up anytime you want to go, but I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
Said accountant got my report and blamed it on a computer glitch and it turns out, that’s exactly what it was…but nonetheless I was shaken.

This called for my elixir. My “crack”. A big honking 20 ounce of Diet Mountain Dew. It was amazing, I was halfway through it when an enormous calm washed over me and I felt better. The junkie got her fix. I downed the rest of it and went for another for good measure. After that, Howard and I managed to get all the Christmas merchandise priced and out on the sales floor and I think I barely missed his putting me on a plane and straight to the looney bin. God love him, that man puts up with so much shit from his insane wife. I totally faked him out and convinced him it was by my own ability that I could calm down and clear my head. I’m such a f*cking liar. And completely stupid for thinking for one second, he actually believed me.

Gotta go, we’re going to Zach’s for “The Amazing Race” and his world famous Quesadillas.

Watch David Letterman on Wednesday night. Jason and Darrell, (members of our family) are going to be in the audience and if I know Jason…and trust me, I do, he will somehow make his presence known.
Thanksgiving in New York. F*ckers.

The last Thanksgiving we spent in New York was in 2001. Right after 9/11 and ground zero was still burning and they were still extracting bodies. It was a very sad time but Howard and I did our part by spending all our money in lower Manhattan, which I might sadly add, was mostly deserted but nevertheless, every business we threw our money at was very grateful. AND we found a wonderful “hole in the wall” right off Wall Street called “The Wall Street grill”. We got cheeseburgers the size of my head (and believe me I’ve got a huge noggin) for like 5.00. That included drinks and fries. We were the only people in the place and we were treated like royalty….and it was only lunchtime! But I digress.

Anyway, the Dew. It truly is my “Lithium”.

3 Responses

  1. Tess Says:

    This post has been removed by the author.

  2. Tess Says:

    Anyway, the Dew. It truly is my “Lithium”.You and me both, sistah-fren!

  3. Jessica Says:

    passin through thanks to the handy little button on the upper left of the screen…
    just do the dew baby! though i myself find more relief and pure joy in a starbucks coffee.. i swear they add drugs to it so people will keep comming back!
    ok have fun good luck and keep doin the dew.

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