Insane Ramblings

Amy and I have been twittering back and forth (Oh, I didn’t tell you that I twitter? Well, I do and OMG, it’s so addictive) regarding her Mountain Dew Cupcakes for the past couple of days.

Now, I feel really stupid because there I was all twittering her about the recipe? (I think I like that word, twitter, it just rolls off the tongue) When I’d read her POST that has the damn LINK like RIGHT THERE about 50 damn times. I blame it on the mouthwatering photo.

Aaaaanyway, she humored me and gave me the link for the recipe anyway….to which I discovered this site.

I think I’m in love.

I can die a happy girl now. *sigh*

Twitterpated and all.

Bob Costas kind of makes my ass hurt. I don’t know what it is about him.

He also looks like he’s wearing a hair piece…anybody else see that?

Did I mention when that he was on our flight from JFK to Rome two years ago?

That’s right Bob, I can make comments on your hair if I want. I’ve seen you first thing in the morning after an 8 hour flight.

I thought I was going to claw my ears off and eyes out when he was interviewing George W. Bush a couple of nights ago.

It was almost as bad as watching Tom Cruise and Ann Coulter in a love scene. Seriously. I had to like go dig up some Pepto just in case. (No, Ann and Tom have never done a love scene…that I know of…I’m just trying to put some emphasis on my point..)

I did, however; yell at the television when Bob started talking about the war in Iraq.

Dammit Bob, you’re at the Olympics, give Junior a break and actually TALK ABOUT THE DAMN OLYMPICS!

And then I really did take a swig of Pepto because I just defended our president. I think Howard fainted shortly thereafter.

I seem to be lacking in witty titles lately (and let’s face it:  witty posts) so please forgive me.

My first week back at work is going well so far. We have a FULL staff and then some so the workload is pretty light. That’s given me time to goof off with Holly, my favorite co-worker catch up on everything I left behind.

I found that I’m having to regain my confidence as a provider, especially since I’m now a Level II CHA. The cool thing is, my mentor trusts me 100%. She just whisks the PEF out of my hand, signs it, and hands it back to me. (”You’re so good, I don’t even need to worry about this..”)

Also, my boss bought me a Littmann Master Cardiac Stethoscope and lunch as a reward for finishing the last session. My co-workers all signed a card that my mentor embossed herself. I honestly could not ask for a better work environment or co-workers.

I’m lucky. I know.

Howard and I have also been obsessed with the Olympics this go round. Did you all see the mens 4X200 Freestyle Relay? And of course, the big upset with the U.S. women’s gymnastics team? Poor Alicia Sacramone, everyone knows her name now. Let’s just hope they redeem themselves in the finals…which by the way..air in just a few minutes.

So, things are good. I’m getting back into a nice routine…I still miss NC…and my friends…but everything is getting back to normal around here.

Thank God.

I called Susie and Todd this afternoon to reserve two steak dinners.

“Right ON!” Todd said excitedly right before I hung up.

We arrived to find all of our close friends at the bar. All of them with bright smiles and open arms ready to give us hugs.

Howard ordered my usual Heineken Light and his usual Miller Lite in the bottle. We sat with Dusty, Holly, and Brett and caught up while devouring our steaks. I saved my potato for later, as did Howard. (just like we always do)

Dusty signaled me to walk outside with him to get some fresh air and as soon as I stepped out the door onto the back deck, one of the quietest men in town, said:

“Wow Chrissy, your hair looks hot!”

Then Susie piped up: “Doesn’t she look sexy?”

I blushed profusely and thanked them and chugged the rest of my beer.

Later on, I visited with Judy, who has a new love interest who makes her happy which in turn makes me happy. No one deserves it more than our Judy.

Afterwards, a big group of us drove up to the ridge and built a bonfire and we all mingled, drank, and laughed until we couldn’t stand still without swaying.

It was then that I knew..that no matter how many trips I take down south…that this is my home now. These are my people. This is where I belong. At this moment.

It’s good to be back.

Returning to the village this morning included lots of hugs and and “welcome back’s”.  When I walked in the door of my house, Pepper ran up to me and I scooped him up in my arms and hugged him tight and smothered him with kisses.

Lucky, being deaf, didn’t hear me come in so I walked to where he was lying on the sofa and he looked at me inquisitively, focusing his near blind eyes on my image.  He then began to sniff at me as I leaned down and gently lifted him into my arms.  His sniffing became more intense and finally his eyes lit up and he welcomed me back home with a huge swipe of his enormous tongue.

Out of habit, I looked around for my Katie girl.  By that time, she would have slinked out of one of her hiding places to casually say “hello” to me and give me one of her headbutts.

That’s when I spotted her tiny tin urn on the kitchen counter.  And that’s also when I felt the emptiness of not having her in the house.

I’m grateful that Dusty and Kas honored our wishes and took care of getting her cremated so that she can always be with us.  The crematory also sent us a beautiful card sending their condolences.

But I can’t cuddle or headbutt a tin full of ashes.
My heart broke all over again, in spite of her being gone for over a month now.

I miss her and wish she were back.  Alive and well and not in a tiny tin box.  Our Pentagon is gone.

Goodnight, sweet girl.

I’m sitting on a plane bound for Seattle and ultimately Anchorage typing out this document to be published when I’m back home (or on the ground depending on how long my layover is)

Home.

That word implies so many things, at least for me.

Until the age of 27, “home” was North Carolina.  The state I was born and raised in.

For the first few years of living in Alaska, we continued to call NC home.  Even though, really; home was where we slept every night.  In our bed.  With each other.  With our animals.  With our wordly possessions.  Wherever we happened to be living in Alaska.

Then one day-I can’t remember who said it first-we started referring to Alaska as our home.  When we travel to North Carolina, we say “North Carolina” instead of “home” now.

That speaks volumes.

Volumes of bittersweet nostalgia and hints of new adventures on the horizon.

Everytime we return to NC, we get “homesick”.  Our families are there.  The old familiar places are there.  A lot of our childhood friends are there.  When we return, we fit right in, picking up our southern accents, ordering sweet  or unsweetened tea versus iced or hot tea.  Anyone who doesn’t know us would never know we no longer live there.

I guess that’s what makes it so hard.  Fitting in so ultimately and comfortably and then returning to a state that still seems a little foreign but more and more like “home.”

And as I mingled with friends and family these past three weeks, the lines between the two states began to blur.  The 3000 mile swath seemed to merge.  I missed Alaska…my new love, yet; I longed to be back in NC with my family..with my friends.

And now I’m confused.  I’m excited to be returning to my house, in my village, where my animals and friends are.  I’m intensely saddened to have left my old familiars behind.

Is it possible to call both home?

It is inevitable that this vacation is coming to an end.  Sadly enough.

Howard and I have had a great time in our hometowns relaxing and mingling with family and friends.

We’ve skinnydipped swam in Wilson’s Creek as much as we can, taken long road trips through the mountains, stayed overnight in little inn in Lake Lure on a whim and I finally climbed to the top of Chimney Rock.  A personal challenge that has eluded me since I refused to climb it when I was 10 years old.

I have a nice toasty tan and tan lines from my $5 dollar Old Navy flip flops on my feet.

I’ve only worn sneakers once and my feet screamed to be set free to feel the grass beneath them.

I’ve said “ya’ll” more times than I can count and Howard and I are twangier than ever.

I’ve hung with Julie every weekend since we’ve been here and I’m elated that she not only feels happier but looks the best I’ve ever seen her.  That makes me happy.  She’s fought a long hard battle to get to this happy place and she’s finally here.

To sum it up, this has been a great vacation and I’m sad to see it end.

For our final weekend, we’re spending it at Howard’s aunt’s house on Lake Hickory.  Tonight, we took a cruise on the pontoon boat up the river to a restaurant about an hour and a half away.  I drank red wine, had a good conversation with Howard’s aunt, and I’m now sitting in my bedroom that’s as big as our cabin in Alaska, feeling the cool air from the lake, listening to the crickets and looking at the moon.

I miss darkness it the summertime.

Tomorrow, I’ll attempt to drive a jet ski and plan to get one last layer of tan before my return.  I’ll swim until I’m good and pickled and then Julie and Howard’s brother Christopher are coming over tomorrow night for another “booze cruise” up the river.

It’ll be bittersweet to say goodbye to this place…but I think I’ll be ready to head home.

Happy Birthday Jennifer Ellen!  I only wish you were here in NC with me to celebrate!  I hope you have a fabulous day and know that I’ll be drinking a Captain and Coke and thinking of you…and all of our crazy times!

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What can I say?

I’ve got a sunburn that’s slowly morphing into a nice toasty tan.  I had my hair done with even chunkier and blonder (is that a word?) highlights and had cute little bangs cut to go with my pixie.

I drank beer and sweated my ass off with Julie and cheered on the Hickory Crawdads (even if they did lose) and the next night, swayed to the music of and declared my once dormant love for Bryan Adams.

Yesterday, I spent the day in the mountains with my family and we all went on a hike and went canoeing and we got through the entire day with little or no drama.

Someone asked me what the date was today and I honestly didn’t know.  That’s a good sign that I’m enjoying my vacation.  My days are running together and I’m surrounded by the love of my family and friends.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear that this state is trying to seduce me back into its good graces.  Heck, I feel like I’m cheating on my beloved Alaska.

My heart only aches when I think of my dogs back home waiting for me….and the fact that my Katie girl won’t be there when we get back.

But I know all of them are being well taken care of.  By the friends that we also miss.

So, for now loves, just know that things are going well, we’re having a blast…and we’ll see you when we see you.

Okay, I wrote out a beautiful, sharp-witted post about how, since Saturday after puddle jumping and arriving in Anchorage late; that Dusty, Tess, Rebecca, and I spent a fabulous night at our (mine and Howard’s) house.

I mentioned the beautiful place settings and floral centerpiece that Howard assembled and the big box of Godiva chocolates he left with a note that said “HAVE FUN!”

I mentioned the four of us sharing cocktails and secrets and gorging ourselves on fresh fruit, veggies, and fruit tarts and curling up on the couch to watch “Juno”. (which we LOVED)

I mentioned having the best night of sleep in a long time.

I mentioned Dusty and I buying two of the worst Chai Lattes in the history of coffee/tea making and then promptly going somewhere else (ie a real coffee house and not a supermarket deli) to buy replacements (which were awesome…I am officially a coffee/tea snob).

And I mentioned that the four of us noshed on donuts and visited until it was time for Becky and Tess to leave and how we exchanged long tight hugs and promises to do it again whenever we could.

And I mentioned Dusty and I goofing off and shopping in Anchorage until he dropped me off at the airport.

I mentioned flying 12 hours and landing early where Howard and I proceeded to have a fabulous afternoon riding around Charlotte visiting old haunts, reminiscing about living here over 10 years ago, and about spending today at Carowinds and then going out for an orgasmic dinner at Sullivan’s where we drank some of the best wine and ate some of the best food I think we’ve ever had. Ever!

And then I mentioned that we returned to our uber-fabulous hotel room downtown and that I had a down comforter to crawl under, pillows to drown in, and a husband with which to make up 5 weeks worth of spooning..

And then of course, the post was lost in cyberspace….go figure.

So, ulltimately my point? Was that since Saturday? This has been the perfect vacation so far.

The End.